271 pounds

Yesterday was the last day of church choir for the summer, so we had to make sure to dress up in our official finery, including khaki slacks and a blazer. The blazer was removed for the rehearsal and service, but we all put on our heavy polyester cassocks, which caused a great deal of sweat to build up in…um…The Area. If you catch my drift. The end result was that I sat down on the pew, and attempted to stretch my legs a bit, but the sweat caused the pantlegs to stick to my thighs, and I tore a big ol’ hole in my crotch.

I’d like to say this is an uncommon event, but no, it happens to me about once a month.

Before the afternoon service, I ran to the mall and bought new pants that better fit my prodigious bulk, but it was clear: I needed to lose some weight. I didn’t know how bad it had gotten until I weighed myself on my digital scale this morning and saw a number I’d never seen it display before: 271. This is roughly 10 pounds heavier than my last peak, in early 2004.

Unacceptable.

So far today, I’ve eaten a bagel, a banana, and about a pint of cauliflower (liberally coated with curry powder). Additionally, I went out over lunch and walked a solid hour at a “brisk pace,” probably totalling over three miles, and producing roughly a gallon of crotch sweat that has me concerned about the status of my current pants. (I’m sitting very gingerly and resisting the temptation to stretch my legs.)

I hate getting old.