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John Mayer’s new CD, “Continuum,” came out about 3 weeks ago, so it goes without saying that I have been listening to it largely non-stop for approximately three weeks. I thought it might be a nice idea to give a quick review of the CD, but first, a couple disclaimers:

1. I am singularly unqualified as a judge of music. For example: I agree that “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder is not a very good song. It is harmonically depraved, and devoid of any real musicality or virtuosity. However, if it pops up on my XM radio, I will listen to it, possibly twice because my radio can record up to half an hour of tunes for later playback.
2. I am also pretty much absent of any emotional depth, so my grasp of lyrical ability is tenuous.
3. I have a pretty serious man-crush on John Mayer.

Nevertheless, you should totally trust my opinion that “Continuum” is the best album released this year, and possibly in my lifetime, and I include “Pyromania” by Def Leppard in that statement. A quick run through of the tracks, in order:

1. “Waiting On The World To Change”- Sure, it’s only been on the radio for 2 months and it’s already wildly overplayed, to the point that I actually have been skipping it when I listen through the CD. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s a cool retro tune with some kind of bell organ that makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. Plus, I guess it explores what a lot of people my age are feeling about the state of the world, or something. This song is the first thing he’s released that is actually too high for me to sing. I was like, whaaaa?
2. “I Don’t Trust Myself (With Loving You)” – The first time I heard it, I thought the tweeters in my car stereo had stopped working. The introduction simply doesn’t contain any high frequency sound. It’s like they recorded under a blanket. Still awesome.
3. “Belief” – This is the only one that I’m sort of cold on; I don’t think 28-year-old singers should really spend a lot of time expostulating on world affairs. That’s what we have Jackson Browne for. I wanna hear songs that I can learn to play at a coffeehouse and have hot girls hit on me afterwards. Not that they ever would, because I have the stage presence of Crisco^TM, if that Crisco was in the shape of a guy with a lot of restraining orders against him.
4. “Gravity” – I do not know what this song is about, and I have it on two JM albums now. Still makes me bop my head.
5. “The Heart of Life” – Speaking of head-bopping: this song basically makes the CD for me. It couldn’t be simpler, really; undistorted electric guitar, light percussion, occasionally the bass player stops smoking and plays a note or three. After the guitar solo, the chorus comes back in with a cymbal roll, and I get a feeling in my pants that could best be described as “moist.”
6. “Vultures” – This song seems to be about John being sad about being famous and how people bug him. While I can feel his pain, perhaps he shouldn’t have sold so many albums. I usually sing along with this one and ignore the fact that it’s kind of a sad song.
7. “Stop This Train” – I read a review in which the critic didn’t like this song, and I wanted to kick him right in the pills. This is the best song on the CD, I think. Sure, it seems to take a while to get anywhere, but that just heightens the anticipation. This song would have made Hitler cry, if Hitler had spent all day smoking weed and listening to Rush albums.
8. “Slow Dancing In A Burning Room” – This is one of several songs on this disc that seem to indicate John was breaking up with a redhead. At one point in the song, he makes a guitar sound that makes me think of stabbing.
9. “Bold as Love” – Jimi Hendrix cover. Totally incomprehensible. Totally rad. The guitar solo in the middle may not be strictly anything Jimi would do, but it’s got a taste of Stevie Ray Vaughan, and the whole thing is constructed, musically, better than anything Jimi could manage. Part of that is because John’s backups, Pino Palladino (bass) and Steve Jordan (drums), are absolutely light years beyond Noel Redding and Mitch Mitchell (the rest of the Jimi Hendrix Experience) in every way. Also, John Mayer and Jimi have similarly-sized lips.
10. “Dreaming With A Broken Heart” – Dreaming about lost love. Example lyrics:

    Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
    And would you get them if I did?

    My heart skipped a bit at that. Seriously. I called 911 and everything.

11. “In Repair” – If there’s anything with which I can identify, it’s being broken. I’ve been miswired and faulty for years.
12. “I’m Gonna Find Another You” – Post-breakup song, which had the potential to be kinda creepy-stalkerish, but the melodies and harmonies take it in completely the opposite direction; it comes across as totally fun. Great way to end a CD.

Does it measure up to “Heavier Things” and, before that, “Room For Squares?” Absolutely. John changes his style so much from CD to CD that it’s like a different artist, and personally I think he could release a dozen more discs without ever once repeating anything.

If only he would answer my letters.