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I entered a Vocal competition! It’s run by the Center for Contemporary Opera in La Grande Pomme (New York, you hillbillies), and was pretty easy to enter, due to the power of modern technology. Long gone are the days when you had to sing in front of a bunch of people to audition for something. Now they only do that when they intend to have mediocre has-beens make fun of you and put you on TV. For this audition, all I had to do was make a CD of songs fitting certain requirements, fill out a form, and send it all in with a check for forty smackers (ow).

Making the CD was a bit of a trial because I only had a few weeks to get it done. Adding to the complexity was the fact that their song requirements were rather stringent:

• Two songs from the standard repertory
• Two arias written after 1950, at least one of which is in English
• Three 20th or 21st century songs, at least one of which is in English

Finding that stuff was a challenge, since most of my vocal music is in foreign tongues. So I had to spend a lot of time at the library, going through scores and photocopying tunes, until I found 7 pieces that would suit. (Even so, I ended up replacing one of them.)

So then I rolled up on my parents’ phatty criznib and with the able assistance of my father (who, despite having torn a muscle in his right calf, can still play the piano similarly to how you or I might ring a bell), laid down mad trackz, doggle, onto my homewok Jill‘s extremely rad DAT playa.

Then it was home to begin the horrifically painful process of listening to multiple recordings of myself and figure out which is the “best,” which is a lot like choosing between being shot and being stabbed. Throw a little reverb on, remove the dog barking in the background, and I give you:

Songs In The Key of RIGHTEOUS
Matt Hearn

Two arias from the Standard Repertoire:

• Quia fecit mihi magna, from Magnificat by J. S. Bach, aka “MC BaroQ.” This is actually not one I got from the library, but Dad and I decided to throw it in ’cause I knew it already, having learneded it for auditions back in high school, which admittedly was 10 years ago, thanks for making us feel old. (Punk.)
• Papageno’s Aria from The Magic Flute. It’s a little long, but it’s worth it, mostly because the piano part is bitchin’ hard and Pops nailed it like he was putting up siding.

Two arias written after 1950:

• Little Elegy, by Ned Rorem. Short, sweet, and not too weird, for Rorem. (Listening to him is a lot like drinking bongwater and then hanging out at a construction site.)
• One Hand, One Heart, an old favorite by Leonard Bernstein. From West Side Story. I’m sure even YOU have heard this one, you uneducated riff-raff. How did you get in here, anyway? Shoo!

Three 20th century songs:

• When I Am Dead My Dearest, by John Ireland. Yes, it’s as depressing as it sounds. Pretty rad, though, and the piano part is easy enough that even I can play it. (I am not a very good pianist.)
• On A Quiet Conscience, by Paul Bowles. It’s mad weird, but extremely enjoyable. Not too long, either, so you can put up with the strange tones coming from your cheap headphones for a while, and dream of kings and starlets and fire.
• O Mistress Mine, by Roger Quilter, words from Shakespeare. This is a personal fave of mine, and as such of course I don’t think I sound very grood on it. Still, worth a listen.

So I threw all that crap on a CD and sent it off on Saturday. According to the US Postal Service, ’twas delivered on Monday afternoon. I wonder if anyone’s listened to it yet and wept bitterly.