So I bought a new suit of clothes yesterday. I’d wanted a new one for a while, since the only other wearable one I have I bought in 2000, and it just felt like it was time to add some variety to my wardrobe. Plus, I’ve lost a little weight, so the old suit is just a size too big. PLUS again, I have a bunch of weddings coming up that I need to be super-fly for so I can hit on hot chicks at the reception Sarah isn’t afraid to be seen with me.
2 Legit 2 Quit
I did some major league shopping before I made my purchase; I went to the mall TWICE this week to try things on, in 5 different stores, and finally settled on a dark Calvin Klein getup with pinstripes. I actually tried the same suit on in a bunch of different stores, trying to find one that carried a flat-front pant, because pleats look absurd on me. (My massive derriere tends to fill out the back, and pull on the front, causing the pleats to separate wildly and just look silly.) Sadly, once I found a flat-front version, I realized that for some reason it looked even WORSE on me than the pleated version, because Calvin had inexplicably designed them to be crazily high-waisted. So either I hiked the pants up to the “no more than 2 inches below the armpits” style pioneered by my father, or I wore them where my waist is, which left the crotch so low it looked like I was wearing Hammer pants. Luckily, the jacket and pants are sold as separates, so I was able to have options. I ended up purchasing the jacket and the pleat-front pants, and hope to have some alterations done on the pants to relieve the pressure in the pooper region.
Some of you are probably saying to yourselves, “Wait. Calvin Klein? That doesn’t seem right. Matt Hearn and designer labels go together like fat kids and chinups.” A few years ago, you’d be right. I probably have ranted and raved in this very space about how I’ll never wear Tommy Hilfiger or Vera Wang or whatever, but here’s the thing: designer clothes are really nice. They fit better, they use better fabrics, they look totally hot. I do draw the line at Ambercrombie and Fitch, though, mainly because going into the store is like going into a rave. The music is loud and thumping, and it’s rather dark, so you can’t actually see the clothes you want to buy. I last about 30 seconds in there before I get angry, drop the jeans or shirt or whatever on the floor, and stomp out. But all in all, I have to say that I now like designer clothing.
Even if it does cost me $320 for a suit.
Also: in case anybody happens to know the owner or manager or something of the Subway in the food court at Christiana Mall, it might be worth alerting them that it might be time to have a chat with whatever employees were working there at about 8:45pm on Tuesday. It does not set a customer’s stomach at ease to watch sketchy people who don’t appear to be employed there wandering in and out of the back room. It’s also not great when a customer hears somebody in the storage room pretending to vomit. Also, when a customer waits for 2 minutes in front of the establishment and no employee ever appears to take his order, that’s kinda off-putting.
Also also: You may notice that the quote that appears atop the page, under the purdy flowers, have random “\” marks throughout. That is because we have gone PHP, baby (woohoo!) and the folks at omnis appear to have screwed up when they set up the admin tools for the website. I have code up there that automatically generates random quotes that I have stored in a mysql database, which is nifty. Unfortunately, to make it look right, there are some PHP variables I have to change, and they have a form in the admin tools to change them, but it doesn’t appear to have any effect. I’ve sent them an email asking them either to fix the tool, or just fix my particular settings manually. Haven’t heard back yet. If there are NOT funny “\” marks in the quote, they’ve fixed it yay.
Are you all right? Your eyes are completely glazed over. That’s weird.
