matthearn.com

I love the Olympics. I really do. I’ll watch just about all of it, from figure-skating to snowboarding to luge to curling. Women’s curling, even, although in my defense, American skip Debbie McCormick is strangely intoxicating.

I even watched, and thoroughly enjoyed, biathlon. Of course, what beginning skiier, when waiting in a 45-minute line for a bunny-slope lift, hasn’t thought “I wish I had a gun?”

So far, however, the XXI Olympic Winter Games brings to mind 4 specific memories that’ll stick with us:

1. The authorities built a luge track that’s so fast it killed a man.


2. The Opening Ceremonies, already saddened by death, were screwed up by a malfunction of the torch cauldron. To add to the classiness (a word I just made up), to light the big outdoor torch, they drove Wayne Gretzky there in the back of a big pickup while he held on to a rollbar in the back and held the torch with one hand. He looked like he should have been wearing a tuque and drinking from a can of Elsinore.


3. The Olympia ice-preparation machines they bought for the speed-skating track (a cheaper product than the standard Zambonis) apparently produce an ice with all the smoothness and sheen of driveway gravel.


4. Finally, NBC’s coverage of the various sporting events has been…disappointing. They’ve tape-delayed a lot of important events, something that was done in the past (particularly when Olympic Games were held on the other side of the world, like, say, China, and it’s difficult to get a lot of viewership for swimming at 2am Eastern time), but unfortunately in this modern connected world it’s nearly impossible to avoid finding out results before the taped airing. It takes away from a viewing of the women’s downhill when it doesn’t get shown until 7pm despite everyone in the world knowing Lindsey Vonn won gold earlier in the day. On the other hand, maybe a little tape delay is a good idea.

Hey organizers and NBC! I am your key demographic! I’m young, have disposable income, and purchasing impulses that I can’t control! It would be nice if you’d stop screwing up your product so I didn’t lose interest.