So I’m driving in to the office today, flipping through the radio stations, and as I flipped past WYSP I hear Howard Stern yell “Goddamn Clear Channel!” I didn’t bother to stop and hear what he was whining about, but it got me to thinking how much I really hate Howard Stern.
I mean, completely aside from the blasphemy (which bothers me more and more as I age, to the point now where when I catch myself saying “GODDAMN IT!,” which happens roughly every 14 minutes, I usually then apologize to some unseen being), Stern is simply unfunny, boring, and completely uninteresting. I’m fully in favor of freedom of speech, but Howard is simply reflecting some of the worst things that humanity has to offer. I guess I’m just not sure how he sleeps at night knowing that he’s justifying the horrible behavior of the lowest grade of America.
On the OTHER hand, people around the world seem to be taken in by him as well, to the point that the citizens of other countries apparently think that most, if not all, Americans are like him. Which amuses me to no end, because there’s nothing I like better than being underestimated. I’m not being sarcastic; I can’t imagine anything I enjoy more than the look on a person’s face when he thinks you’re dumb or untalented and you prove him wrong.
But to get back on track: does Howard Stern have any really redeeming value? I can’t see it. He only has two subjects that he seems to bring up constantly: women, and how to get them naked, and why Clear Channel and the FCC are causing him great personal anxiety. Not exactly NPR-quality material, there.
Also, it troubles me that he’s as old as he is, and he continues to get women to show up on his show and take off their clothes. I’m not jealous; it just skeeves me to hear someone in his 40s or 50s saying things like, “Oooh…yeah, go ahead and take that off. Wow, you do have magnificent breasts. Robin, aren’t her breasts great? Mmmm…” It’s like watching your father snort cocaine off a stripper.
Plus, I don’t see the point in discussing breasts that I can’t see. If they’d just stop blurring out the fun parts of his late night TV show, I might be more interested.
OOH! OOH! Further UPDATE on the whole Manbag Situation: So I went to Old Navy yesterday to get a nice black stylish fall jacket (which I found, incidentally, and bought me one for $58) and some pants (I got a nice pair of light brown bootcut corduroys) and I happened to find (along with some shirts) a really cool canvas messenger bag on sale for $9.99! It’s a little big, but I think anything smaller would clearly be a “manpurse” instead of a “manbag,” and would probably get me a “manbeating” on the streets of Boston this weekend.
I have to find some things to put in it, though. At the moment all it has in it is my cellphone, sunglasses, and lunch. What do chicks put in purses? I don’t really need to put makeup in there (though it does make me look pretty, I get funny looks from my coworkers), and I have no current need to carry tampons. Perhaps I could throw a book in there, and randomly pull it out to show people how intellectual I am. I’ll have to get some dorky reading glasses, though, and if I added dorky reading glasses to my current outfit people will think I’m a particularly tall lesbian. Can’t have that.
