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There’s been a lot of local talk about Michael Vick, most of it ranging from “meh” to “HOLY CRAP I’M NEVER WATCHING THE EAGLES AGAIN WATCH ME BURN MY SEASON TICKETS AAAAAA”. The sports professionals are focusing on whether or not this makes the Eagles a better team, but results are inconclusive.

My take on him as a person: he spent almost 2 years in jail, he’s undoubtedly going to spend time and money on the Humane Society and other groups, and Lord knows he’s going to hear about this for the rest of his life. (If I were a Cowboys fan, I’d already be dreaming up jokes about how the center should be in a “rape stand” if #7’s gonna touch him there.) I’m willing to give him a second chance, until the first time he screws up, in which case I would imagine he’ll go back to prison and he’s out of chances in the NFL.

On the other hand, it’s hard to picture him strangling a pit bull with piano wire and think that he could have changed into a model citizen.

Still. One shot. That’s all he gets.

As to football, I guess we need to wait and see. It seems stupid to get another quarterback when we have a still-functional Donovan McNabb and the “QB of the Future” Kevin Kolb. Still, depending on what kind of shape he’s in, he could well be the finest physical athlete the Eagles have seen since Cunningham. I’m not going to say I don’t want that on my team. If he gets used as some kind of all-purpose player, returning some kicks, lining up at the slot, seeing plenty of downs, that would be well worth the money, and any PR hit the Eagles take. (Of course, if he’s instrumental in getting the Birds to the Super Bowl, he could rape each of the fans’ mothers in turn and they’d probably tip him.)

I’d really love to see him as a trick back, running crazy sweeps and taking direct snaps for flea-flickers. Or, and this would be so sweet that I may get diabetes if it happens, he runs a few option plays here and there. (I think option football is the most exciting form of the game around.)

So I guess you can put me in the “meh” camp, but with a big “if this works out it’s going to be SO AWESOME” asterisk next to it.

Ever wonder what it’s like to be a Cleveland Indians fan? Nurse The Hate can tell you. (Note: naughty words.)

Once again the white flag of surrender proudly flies over Progressive Field, and the team has sent all the core players packing, unable to pay them what the market will pay in upcoming seasons. It’s hard to believe really. Six months ago the organization was talking playoffs. Now two of the top three in the pitching rotation are gone. Plus, the set up guy, and four of the starting position players have been dumped for minor league players 2 years or more away from possibly playing at the Big League level…

The question I have as a ticket buyer is why do I have to keep shelling out for this bulls***? The answer is, of course, I don’t. And neither does anyone else, as the Indians attendance has slipped to 27th out of 28 teams. I am stuck with 5 more games in my season ticket package at $50 a game to watch minor league players audition for next year’s team. Not to worry though, as a customer I am very excited to hear from the head of the Indians organization that once every ten years they might be able to compete. Where do I sign up for my 2010 tickets! Whoo!

There are, of course, 30 major league baseball teams, but other than that it’s spot on.

Got to go see the Phils yesterday, for the first time all season. Better yet, the ticket was free, thanks to my buddy Noah and his ill-timed Cancun vacation. I would have pressed harder to pay him for the ticket, but at game-time it was raining and I’m pretty sure he was laying on a beach drinking something alcoholic and fruity through a straw placed within 3 inches of his face.

I had to drive up to his apartment building in Philadelphia to pick up the ticket, but still arrived at CB Park at around 12:30. I found my seat and admired the view you see above. A “Phillies Alumni Batting Challenge” was taking place, featuring retired stars from the 1980 and 1993 teams, specifically Mitch Williams, Dicky Noles, Ricky Jordan, Ricky Bottalico, Milt Thompson, and Jim Eisenreich, who got the biggest ovation. I enjoyed watching that, particular Mitch Williams, who demonstrated why he was a pitcher; he swings like Babe Ruth’s wife.

I wandered off to get beer and hot dogs, and came back to enjoy further festivities, such as introducing a bunch of elementary kids who took positions on the field for no apparent reason, and the presenting of the color guard. About 30 seconds before the National Anthem, Noah’s buddy Josh, the owner of the other seat in their pair of season tickets, arrived. We chatted about how we each knew Noah, and it turned out we both grew up in Wilmington. Small talk.

To my right was a young couple, the female of which was quite hot, and the male of which was drunk, and even had he been sober he would have been an utter douchebucket. At least he wasn’t loud or aggressive, but he sure cursed a lot. I’m a guy that likes my cursing, and I do quite a share of it myself, but I try to avoid it around people I don’t know and/or children.

The game started nicely, with Jamie Moyer getting 3 relatively quick outs in the first and the Phils scoring a run in a strange situation; Jimmy Rollins got a leadoff single, then Shane Victorino walked, Utley hit a deep fly that moved Jimmy over to third, and then Ryan Howard did the same thing to bring Jimmy home, but Shane had strayed too far from first base and got doubled up in a close play. Charlie Manuel (the manager, if you’re under a rock) came out to argue that Cantu had bobbled the catch at first, to no avail.

Unfortunately, things went downhill; the Phils found themselves down 3-1, and then 6-1, on a series of squib singles just over the infielders heads. Apparently the home plate umpire was inconsistent with balls and strikes, and eventually Shane Victorino got tired of it; Chan Ho Park, on the mound in relief, threw an 0-2 pitch right on the corner for a ball, and Shane, in center field at the time, apparently threw his arms in the air in disgust. The ump had heard enough, and tossed him.

The infielders surrounded the ump to argue, which was good because Shane came flying in from center field like a terror, apparently intending to tackle the ump, but ran into catcher Paul Bako first, who dragged him to the dugout. The game continued, but the fans were incensed. Between every pitch, every inning, any time there was silence, they booed the ump. It was merciless. Later, when things were still looking poor for the home team, the infield and catcher assembled on the mound for a conference, and after a time the ump walked out to break it up and get the game moving; the fans tore into him. I hope he made it to his car after the game.

I can honestly say I have never seen a player get thrown out from center field. Sadly, I can report I’ve seen the Phils get routed before; they lost 12-3.

Bill Simmons went to the National Sports Collectors Convention (NatSpoColCon?) and saw some crazy stuff, as well as spent a lot of money:

A whoopin’!

Sandy Koufax’s high school yearbook:

I don’t know what this is, but I’m scared of it.

Keith Olbermann found some neat stuff at the Baseball Hall of Fame over the weekend, although mostly I link to it to show this:

Is it just me, or does Keith Olbermann have the same body shape as me? Thick calves, slight gut, enormous fricking head? And he’s even taller than I am. Remind me to never anger him. By, you know, voting Republican, or something.

You a sports fan? A real sports fan? Then here are some links for you, real sports fan.

• Pietersen! Ponting! It’s The Ashes on CricInfo.com!


• If you enjoy riding at 50mph down a hill on a bicycle with tires the width of an orangutan’s schlong, le Tour de France (link goes to English page) is for you. The race is great; if you want to go, but can’t afford to, just make your way there and then sell a couple of pints of blood to the racers. Result!

Keith Olbermann is disgusted, and for good reason, frankly.

…[I]n the Bronx 70 years ago today, Lou Gehrig composed himself in such a manner, with a strength that eclipsed even what he showed on the ballfields of the ’20s and ’30s, that he could give one final measure of himself with such honesty, with such courage, with such a simple and direct connection to the human condition, that it is quoted, somewhere, every day.

But first, let’s take you out to San Diego where Manny Ramirez is just back from a 50-game suspension. For cheating. For cutting corners. For breaking rules. For lying. For deception…

Ramirez, of course, homered today in his first at bat. And some people cheered. As if he were just back from an injury, or a death in the family. As if he were a hero. As if he were an honest man. As if he were somehow worthy of sharing the meaningfulness of this day with Lou Gehrig.

Credit to Fox’s Tim McCarver – who has never gotten enough of it for this one quality he has shown, often at such great risk to his own security and even employment – for his honesty in pointing out the inappropriateness of the reaction to Ramirez’s return. He is not making a comeback. He is out on parole and it will be years – if ever – before many of us will believe he did not do something illegal, improper, or immoral, this morning.

As the increasingly unreadable Instapundit would say, read the whole thing. You can also read this response, but the author’s mostly just being a snarky dick. You could also read Keith’s reply to the response, but why bother?

I think Sarah Palin took this straight out of Tex Winter‘s playbook. Tommy Craggs on Gov. Palin’s Full Court Press:

Mike “Gabe” Krahulik doesn’t like Tiger Woods Golf (scroll down to his entry, under Jerry’s).

I don’t know why I keep buying Tiger Woods games every year. …Tiger is essentially an RPG. That is to say as you play, your skills improve and you get better equipment. That’s just not what I want from a golf game. Starting Tiger Woods is like walking on to the golf course wearing vendor trash and everyone else is in their tier 8 gear. You can not compete unless you put the time in. What I want is a golf game that’s more like Halo or any other shooter. What I mean is that everyone has essentially the same character and what determins the winner is the players skill.

Personally, I enjoy the heck out of the “RPG” aspect of Tiger Woods; my only real complaint is that it’s possible to get your player SO good that you can do things like shoot a 52 at Pebble Beach, which is just ridiculous, although part of the problem is that game is too easy. That seems like a self-evident statement, but the problem is that once your player gets good, the possibility of making mistakes is just removed. Screw up a little on the timing of the drive? No problem, your player is 110% in the category, so it still went 370 yards, straight down the fairway. Same thing with putting and chipping. My Tiger Woods player hasn’t failed to eagle a par 5 in recent memory. Why? Because I’m on the green in 2. And not “on the green 75 feet from the hole” 2. I mean, it was a 600 yard par 5, I drove the ball 380 yards, then 7-ironed it the remaining 220 and stuck it 12 feet from the pin. My guy gets a hole in one every 2 or three rounds.

Since you never make mistakes, the mental aspect of golf is pretty much removed. Ugly dogleg? Doesn’t matter, my player hits a 9 iron nearly 200 yards. I can go right over the trees. Lots of water around the hole? Not to worry. My shots never vary more than about a half-degree from the point of aim. Let’s put the brains back in the game! Golf shots should occasionally go off-course, something that you’ll have to account for when lining up a shot.

The other problem with the “RPG” aspect is that you start the game fully capable of shooting in the high 70s, particularly if you’ve played it before. What I’d prefer to see is starting the game shooting like 109, losing balls, occasionally failing to drive it past the ladies tee and then having to play the remainder of the hole with your schlong hanging out of your shorts. Just like real life!

As you play, you develop skills, so after a few dozen rounds you find yourself creeping into the low 90s, then the 80s, entering a few amateur tournaments, and then finally getting good enough to enter the professional stuff.

I realize that not everybody wants a career mode that doesn’t start them off as a semi-decent professional; I’m saying the option should be there. It wouldn’t be hard, really. A few more lines of code.

Gabe’s complaint seems to be that he can’t just play the game without going through the career. I don’t have the latest version of Tiger Woods yet, but can’t you just play? You don’t have to do career mode, right? Why can’t he just fire up a match and play as Tiger Woods?

I want to see everyone start with a character that has the same basic skills. Then give everyone the same number of points that they can invest in their character to improve things like driving or putting. Then that’s it, no more points no more stat upgrades. Now you’re talking about creating a custom build for your character and then matching your skills with that build up against everyone else.

This does have merit. I’d definitely enjoy a game where you spend a few minutes outfitting your player with boss points and then go up against somebody. (I’d spend almost nothing on driving, since it’s been well documented that you drive for show, but putt for dough.)

Immagine if everytime you tackled a guy in Madden your players got stronger. Then immagine [sic] you could buy footballs that flew further or were easier to catch. Sure some people might like it but most fans would say “this isn’t football”. Well that is essentially how Tiger Woods works and I guess I’m just tired of it.

But Madden, as well as NCAA Football, include this as an option! You can make a player, have a career, and slowly build him into an MVP/Heisman winner! Also, you can just fire up the game and play. I can’t imagine that EA took this ability out of Tiger Woods Golf, so I’m not entirely sure why Gabe can’t do it.

I must be honest: I watched exactly zero innings of last night’s Phillies game. I tend to tune out of the West Coast swings, with the attendant 10pm starts, for the simple reason that I hate watching a few innings and then missing the ending. It’s like watching only the first half hour of “Twilight,” except that “Twilight” sucks and the Phillies are awesome (4 games up on the division! Woooo). So this morning I got up and checked the box score on my phone.

What the heck? Cole Hamels pitched a gem! A diamond, baby! As someone who prefers good pitching and smallball to “let’s all just swing for the fences and see what happens” (and who, while I’d never question a World Fing Champion manager and GM, frequently gets annoyed with the way the Phils play the game), I kinda wish I’d stayed up.

Oh right, my daughter kept me up all night the night before, and didn’t do much better last night. (She ended up sleeping next to us so that we could rub her belly anytime she started screaming with the gas and constipation she’s got going on this week.)

Anyway, what’s keeping Cole from doing this every night, or at least more frequently than once a month? It’s not like he was facing scrubs; the Dodgers have the best record in either league by a large margin. He shut them down. Is he finally in shape for the season? I’m not asking for a shutout every night, but I think we should expect more from our ace than a 4.40 season ERA.