Searchin’
It’s been a loooooooong-A time since I’ve made fun of the…unique, let’s say, searches that people put into their googlers that lead them to this site, so let’s make the MAGIC happen! (The numbers at the end of each line are the number of searches made with that string, that led people all up ins hurr.) Apparently Dwyane Wade is a popular fellow:
dwyane wade muscle 70
dwyane wade muscles 32
dwyane wade men’s health 14
dwyane wade shirtless 11
Those are just the top 4 of literally dozens of ways of saying “Hey Google, I wanna see naked D-Wade, get on it.” Well, heaven forfend I fail to please my “fans,” so here you go, America: Dwyane’s balls.
There were also a bunch of things related to fitness, which is hardly surprising since I’ve been rapping on that topic frequently:
how to gain 15 pounds of fat 15
running weight loss before and after pictures 8
south beach diet before and after 6
will love handles ever go away if enough weight is lose 3
The answer to the last one is, of course, “Yes, if you are Dwyane Wade.” Apparently people are fond of tennis, as well:
andrea petcovic 15
I only vaguely remember mentioning Andrea Petkovic in a post from 18 months ago, but apparently it’s enough to get over a dozen hits in the past 3 months from people looking for her. If only someone could have predicted that just dropping the names of attractive women is the way to a high hit-count? Megan Fox, Katharine McPhee, and Kate Upton know what I’m talking about.
I gave away my old Mazda almost 4 years ago, and yet old posts keep bringing the hits.
mazda protege 98 5
1998 mazda protege white 5
1996 mazda protege white 5
98 protege 4
That was a good little car that deserved a better driver than me, and we donated it to some kind of shady agency that I’m sure uses it to transport drugs up and down the eastern seaboard. ::pours out a small bottle of 10-40 oil for his homie::
matt hearn auburn 2
I’m really more of a dirty blonde, really. In that my hair is somewhat blond, and I am personally dirty, and I think you know what I’m talkin’ about. I’m talkin’ DOWNTOWN.
white guy 3
Now you’ve got my number.
running butt before after 2
I really hope this actually belongs up with the fitness-related searches, and isn’t the final google search of two completely separate poor souls whose butts are running.
guy eating guy who looks like a thumb 2
Uh…wh…what?
milrf 2
Mothers I’d Like to…Ridiculously F***? Religiously? Rastafarianly?
the fatness.com 2
That sounds like a decent name for a medium-sized jazz combo, amirite?
souped up tempo 2
hi hat with a souped up tempo 2
I’m on a roll. It’s time to go solo.
transgender elf 2
Somebody get Will Ferrell on the phone RIGHT THE HECK NOW.
fish oil and testicals size 2
I wish they’d specified if the problem was shrinkage or inflation.
vera zvonareva feet 2
Probably pretty stinky, right?
enormus testicles 2
Is this just narrowing down the fish-oil problem?
plumber’s cleavage 1
1) Why would you actually search for this? 2) What have I done wrong that it led you HERE?
how does a woman look if she weigh 150 1
Probably pretty hot, unless she’s only 4 feet tall.
“my father’s perm” 1
This might’ve been me. I need to get my hands on the pictures of my dad from the 70s, his hair was beyond description.
do lips stay small after weight loss? 1
Not to get too gross, but…which ones?
many men has one testicle 1
It sounds like the fish-oil problem led to a serious explosion, and some poor fellow is just trying to reassure himself that everything’s gonna be okay.
college dudes 245 1
Check manhunt.com.
daniel craig duckface 1
He is notorious, isn’t he?
ychromes delaware a cappella songs wacking off 1
I’m proud to admit that 1) I know the song in reference is “Prayin’ For Daylight,” originally by Rascal Flatts, 2) I arranged it, and 3) I sang lead on it when I was still in the group.
how to lose facts in ass in one week 1
I…I guess just kinda lube up an encyclopedia and do the best you can in the time you have?
hands and knees sex elf 1
I feel like manhunt.com could probably help here too?
strict but funny 1
Sounds like my sex life. ::rim shot::
Have a pleasant week, allsayalls!
