Rules of the Road

This section of the webpage is simple. It details what we consider to be inviolable rules all drivers should follow for basic safety and, most importantly, the consideration of other drivers.

• Rule 1: Do NOT hold up traffic if you can avoid it! We don't care how fast you drive, there is ALWAYS somebody who wants to go faster, and they don't want to be held up any more than you want to be held up by Grandpa in his 67 Cougar.
  This rule can be broken up into several subrules:
  
  • Don't hit the brakes for no reason. We see people every day that ride along nicely and as soon as they see something a little off, like somebody pulling out in front of them 800 yards away, they start riding the brakes. News flash: the best way to slow a car down is to simply stop accelerating! There is no reason to hit your brakes unless by not doing so you would hit something. This goes double on the interstate.
  • Don't ride in the left lane on the interstate when you aren't passing somebody! This is our greatest pet peeve, people that immediately move to the far left lane and drive 60. THE LEFT LANE IS THE FAST LANE! If you think 60 mph is fast, you have no business behind the wheel of a car in the first place! Asshole!
  • On smaller multilane roads, the left lane can't be just a passing lane; faster drivers have to expect people to be turning left and just general traffic to fill that lane. However, don't just toodle along at the same speed as cars in the adjacent lanes, 'cause then nobody can get around any of you! If you want to match speed with another car, fall in behind or in front of them so other drivers can get around you slowpokes.
  • On two lane roads, there's not much you can do, but if there's a large enough shoulder and the fellow behind you obviously has somewhere to be, just slide over and let him by. It's a win win situation: he gets to go as fast as he wants, and you don't have some psycho tailgating you.
• Rule 2:Use your damn turn signals! Turn signals are far more useful for the people IN FRONT of you than the people behind you. What we mean is, if a fellow wants to turn onto the roadway and you're about to turn into the Exxon leaving him room to get out, but he doesn't KNOW it until you do it, you've screwed him. And he'll rightfully be pissed and should be allowed to gun you down in cold blood.
• Rule 3:Pay attention! There is nothing more important while driving than giving the road your full attention, if only for your own safety. Chatting with friends, talking on the phone, fumbling with CDs, and putting on makeup all keep you from driving safely. If you concentrate on the road, you'll also be more in tune with what the other drivers around you are up to, whether it's trying to pass you (make it easier on them and safer for you by getting out of the way if possible), changing lanes in front of you, or flipping you the bird for cutting them off while you were putting in your new Flip Mo Squad tape.
• Rule 4:Remain objective. If you're putting along nicely and some jerk starts tailgating you, before you get all fired up, think about his point of view. Are you sitting in the left lane and not passing anyone? Did you just change lanes in front of him without signalling? Are you driving 25 mph in a 45 zone because you weren't paying attention and missed the increased speed limit sign? Odds are, you've probably done something to irritate him and he's just trying to make you aware of it.
• Rule 5:Be moderately aggressive. Everybody seems to believe that aggressive driving is incredibly dangerous, but what's dangerous is, well, DANGEROUS driving. Doing 120 miles an hour through a school zone is dangerous. Pulling away from a stop sign a little faster than you normally would, in order to fit into traffic, is nicely aggressive. Matching speed with traffic, even the speed limit is 55 and everybody else is doing 70, is also moderately aggressive. You have to be a little ballsy or you won't get anywhere and other drivers with more confidence in their control will prevent you from getting where you need to be.
• Rule 6:Drive DYNAMICALLY. What this means is, you have to be willing to alter your driving periodically to fit with the current traffic situation. You can't get onto the interstate, get into a lane, and expect to stay there the entire trip from Maine to Florida. You're going to have to change lanes a lot to avoid traffic and follow your intended route, and you're going to have to alter your speed and following distance depending on what the cars around you are doing. This ties into rule 7 nicely.
• Rule 7:Plan ahead! Don't get "tunnel vision" and concentrate only on the situation at hand, because it will change. Pay attention to road signs so you are in the proper lane BEFORE the roads merge or split. Look and see what traffic is doing a ways in front of you so you don't find yourself stuck behind a 79 year old chinese man in an 82 Impala doing 47 mph on I95; change lanes and prepare to pass him well in advance of reaching him.