I spit links 'cause baby I can't talk it

Link day! It's been a while, I've got the hot stuff to share.

• Like photography? Check out this portfolio commenting on how animals interact with the humans that roll all up in their shizzito. Note: the shots were staged with taxidermicalated critters, so don't worry when you see, say, a little girl in a swimsuit confronting a massive bear.
• This is the greatest musical recording that has ever been made in the history of EVERYTHING. I cannot stop watching this.
• Like hallucinating? Can't afford those expensive psychotropic drugs? Give this a try! I wonder where I can get a rubber hand.
• I don't know what more you can ask for from the Internet when it provides this. While we're a-YouTube-ing, here's an oldie but goodie. Also: this is strangely enjoyable. And this is simply captivating.
• One more Youtube: Splashdown. Holy crap.
• Your dad is looking fantastic. And he's been super busy, too! Great job by him.
• Thanks to PassiveAgressiveNotes.com we have fantastic finds such as this. Really? Rambo quotes? Fantastic.
• I'm not saying you should buy me one for my birthday, but doesn't this price seem like a steal?

Last Link Day of '08

• If you're curious about what kind of economic downturn we could be facing, check this out. It's pretty grim. I'm pretty optimistic, personally, but that will probably change if I, say, get fired and take up alcoholism.
• A couple Youtube clips worth checking out:
  • Widor Toccata. Probably my favorite piece for organ, but holy crap look at the console for that instrument. 154 ranks! 5 divisions! (By comparison, the organ I usually practice on has 19 ranks, I believe.) Jeepers. Plus, best of all, watch when the pedal part starts at about 50 seconds in. That's right, world-famous organist Frederick Hohman is wearing pants with elastic cuffs. I know what you're thinking, "Oh, he's just German, they wear weird things," but nay nay; he was born in Missouri, people.

    I need to find out if my dad knows him; they would have been at Eastman, studying with the same teacher, at the same time.

    Additionally: wow.

  • I have listened to this Nickel Creek song no less than 40 times in the last 24 hours. I do not exaggerate. The video itself is kinda nice, but unimportant, and in fact doesn't really pertain to the song (which appears to be about tenuous Christian faith); just open the link, put it in the background in case your boss comes up behind you, and give a listen.

    I know this probably qualifies as "Contemporary Christian" music, which under normal circumstances I despise (I prefer my religious music written for men, boys, and organ, and also I am deeply suspicious of a genre of religious music featuring commercials with culty audiences waving their arms and singing along with their eyes closed), but in this case I make an exception. Not least because the lyrics sort of hit home.

• I am spending altogether too much time playing with toys.
• Whopper-scented body spray for Men. This seems like it's marketed to the wrong gender. I mean, as much as a guy would enjoy smelling like a burger, wouldn't he enjoy his wife smelling like one WAAAAY more? I'm not a big fan of perfumes and whatnot, as my wife can attest, but always prefer food-smelling ones (fruit, etc.) to flower-smelling ones, because the latter make my nose clog instantly. But I've said for years, if they made a perfume called "Eau de Boeuf" that smelled of Prime Rib, I'd
  1. make sure Sarah had a lifetime supply, and
  2. immediately buy stock in the company.
  Maybe I'm just weird.

Link day!

The debate was last night, I'm sure everybody watched at least part of it. I'm dramatically unqualified to judge the candidates on their political merits, particularly in the area of foreign policy and economics (aka the only two real issues in this election), so take this with a grain of salt. What I said on Twitter earlier (in shorter form) was this: Senator McCain looked tough, a real badass. The kind of guy that would likely get us involved in a bunch of wars, but also the kind of guy who would have the sack to finish the job.

On the other hand, Senator Obama looked Presidential. The kind of President who would bring some quiet reserve to the white house. The kind of President who, if Iran were to get ideas about nuking Israel, would simply stroll into the negotiations and say "You are going to back down," and stare Achmekfdjaldfajfanad (as Sen. McCain refers to him) in the eye, and Iran would be all "Yeah, our bad on that. Sorry for the, uh, misunderstanding." Because they know if they didn't, he'd simply make their country into a wasteland.

Do with that information what you will. On to some lizinks:

• Is it just me, or is the damage to Galveston from Hurricane Ike not receiving even one-millionth the coverage of Katrina? I mean, sure, there wasn't a lot of dead people, but still. Are we just Hurricaned out? Anyway, here are some pictures of the devastation.
• As a lover of ice cream as well as breasts, I'm not sure how I feel about this. Oh wait, yes I do, it's fricking disgusting.
• The folks over at icanhascheezburger.com have developed something almost as awesome: roflrazzi.com. Best one so far.
• The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator tells me that if she was my mom, I'd be named Mole Valdez Palin. I have to say, that is way better than my current moniker. (Sorry, Mom.)
• I'm describing my feelings about this news as "guardedly excited."
• Are you colorblind? I wouldn't click here then. Hope you have a decent monitor. (Note: I got 100% because I am brilliant. If you get less, well, don't feel bad.)
• Heehee...if a black guy was tasked with introducing John McCain to a convention crowd.
• Ever wanted to learn how to use a slide rule, without spending the dollaz to purchase one? I can make your dreams come true. If you don't want to learn how to use a slide rule, well, then you aren't cool.
• Last but not least, I love this: Chill the F out. Probably safe for work, but if your kids can read don't open it in front of them.

Rad times, y'all.

UPDATE:

• Nevermind; Bad times, y'all.

  He was smiling... That's right. You know, that, that Luke smile of his. He had it on his face right to the very end. Hell, if they didn't know it 'fore, they could tell right then that they weren't a-gonna beat him. That old Luke smile. Oh, Luke. He was some boy. Cool Hand Luke. Hell, he's a natural-born world-shaker. - Cool Hand Luke

Throwing down a few links at ye

Did you notice I've started using titles on my posts? I totally am! The reason is this: I felt that the Chase Utley post from last week needed a title, so I turned them on. That's it. I guess I could turn them back off, but meh. At least this way the RSS feed will be a little better organized. A few quick things, and then I have some fun links to share:

WebMD may well be the best organized, fully-featured, almost unconscionably useless website to be found on the Intarwebz today. I have some kind of problem wherein my left foot feels like it has a broken bone in it, so I went to WebMD, entered my symptoms, and was presented with a list of something like 15 possible problems, such as "stress fracture in foot" (Really? You think?) and "sciatica," which I thought went out with gout and scurvy. (Actually, I know two middle-aged gentlemen who are suffering from gout. I keep begging them to start dressing up like Benjamin Franklin, but they refuse.)

I went to the doctor, who said it might be a stress fracture, so she had me go get an X-ray, the results of which have not yet come back. On the other hand, the X-ray technician was a stone cold fox. If I wasn't so lazy, I would TOTALLY stalk her.

A few weeks ago, Charles and I went to the Brandywine Zoo (Sarah is frantically trying to finish her "case study," which is sort of like a master's thesis, but not really, so we try to stay out of her way) because they had advertised that Curious George, in mascot-sized form, was going to be there, and also because if I have a chance to see a capybara, I am going to take that chance. Sadly, apparently every other parents in New Castle County had the same idea; the line was, according to other folks nearby, THREE HOURS LONG. So Charles and I went over to the monkey house, which is separate, and stood outside and watched simians leap from tree to tree.

Screw you, Curious George, I wanted to see a rodent of unusual size.

Teh Linxorz:

• This is beyond creepy: Coffin Calendar. Click the picture in the middle. MIGHT be a little NSFW, as some of the ladies are en lingerie. (I don't speak French very well.)
• You may remember last fall when I posted a completely nonsensical post involving Christianity, homosexuality, and why some people seem to think the two are incompatible. The comments got a little wild, and then there was a follow-up post that did nothing to stem the tide of ignorance coming from my fingers. What I really meant to say was this post by Rev. Wendy Porter, who was an associate priest at my pops's church for a while, and has since moved back to her old Atlanta stomping grounds. Sadly, while she was in the area, we didn't really get to hang out, because she's cooler than the other side of the pillow, if that pillow was in a freezer. Also, I was dismayed to log into facebook and discover that she's YOUNGER than I am; there's really no reason to think she's OLDER than I (she certainly doesn't look any older than about 25), but my worldview up to that point had no place for Episcopal priests who were not at least five years my senior. Also: no one who is younger than I am has the right to be that eloquent.
• It's common knowledge that groin injuries are always HILARIOUS if they are happening to someone else.
• This guy is a total winner:

  Peckman, 54, who is single and lives with his parents . . .

  You don't say?
• One more game that I was unaware of the other day, but is taking up FAR too much of my valuable time: Armor Picross 2. Simple puzzle game with a Sudoku feel that will not allow you to stop.

Gaming for the bored

Somehow I managed to write this in its entirety last week, and not post it. Good job, Hearn! Idiot. Here it is, a week later:

In lieu of actual humor and important stuff, I give you a modified link day! Today's links are all games that I've come across lately, and they are AWESOME.

• Storm Winds: an opportunity to buy anti-aircraft weapons and use them to blow up steampunk enemies. A good way to waste a half hour or so after you eat your Lean Cuisine at lunch.
• Sea of Fire 2: The sequel to Sea of Fire 1, which had basically the same plot but the gameplay was pretty weak. They fixed that in SoF2; if you liked "Age of Empires" or "Command and Conquer," this is along those lines. Build stuff, upgrade it, use it to build weapons, and blow up your enemy. I've beaten both sides of the conflict up to the "normal" level; the "hard" level lets me get to about 2/3 of the way through and then just says "screw you, you aren't getting any further, jerk." Frustrating, but still fun.
• Magic Pen: I quite literally spent something near to four hours playing this earlier this week. It was one of the most depressing displays of wasted time since college. Either you will not really get this game, and give up after round 3, or you will simply not move until you beat it, which will take a while. Oh, what's it about? Drawing objects and watching how they interact with physics. Seriously, it's awesome.
• Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe 3: Do you like Guitar Hero, but don't want to shell out the benjies for the guitar and game combo? Have you always wanted to play your keyboard like a guitar? This is the game for you. It's basically a complete Guitar Hero ripoff that you play on your keyboard. The first few songs are pretty easy, but it gets Hard with a capital iz-aitch.
• Forum Warz! They warn that this game is highly offensive, although I'm about 3 levels in and it hasn't been TOO execrable yet. A little gross, to be sure; I'd imagine anybody over the age of 40 is probably not going to like this game. Or if you're just a prude. I'm having fun with it, though.

That's all I got. Have a good'n.

Here comes a batch of the hottest links since St. Andrews Golf Course got buried under lava!!! (Note: St. Andrews Golf Course hasn't been anywhere near lava since roughly 3,847,328,497 BCE.)

• Starting to wonder which presidential candidate is the one for you? Not certain how best to figure it out? Willing to make a choice based on their midichlorian concentrations? Here you effin' go. This may be the most amusing thing to ever appear on craigslist, which is really saying something.
• You know how most online multi-player games require ridiculous investments in time? Even Tradewars, the best multi-player ASCII-text game, requires you to monitor your automatic port-pairing/robbing/planet colonization scripts for hours a day. Well, not Travian. So far I've set up my little village, and I just check it every day or so when my population has gotten me more resources, and I build more stuff. I haven't gotten to interact with anyone yet, so it may require a bit more time, but I'd say I've had to actually PLAY the game for about 15 minutes in 2 days. Seems pretty rad, though.
• If you don't read Overcompensating, you should. Do it. Do it.
• Are you ready to be terrified? ::shudder::. Remember: these people probably vote.
• This is simply going to make you feel warm all over.

Enjoy! Or don't! Whatev!

Yeah, I was heck of up all hours of the night for work, so we're going to do a link day. But before we get to that: have you ever listened to a song, divined what you believe the lyrics to be, and think wow, that's amusing/cool/sublime/sexy/etc., only to find out later that the lyrics AREN'T what you thought, and what they really are isn't as cool?

I've been rather suckered in by Timbaland recently, such that he can release a completely repetitive song entitled "The Way I Are" and I'm immediately listening to my head and singing along. At any rate, during the chorus, Timbaland sings something that sounded to me like:

I'm about to strip
And I'm well-equipped
Can you handle me the way I'm are

The "well-equipped" part always amused me, for some reason; I assumed he was alluding to the massiveness of his wang, which was about to be unleashed on an unsuspecting Keri Hilson. Imagine my dismay when I looked up the lyrics to try and figure out something that Keri sang, only to discover what he's really saying is:

I'm about to strip
And I want it quick
Can you handle me the way I are

Which is less funny, doesn't rhyme well, and is just disappointing from every perspective (except I guess from Timbaland's, since I'm sure he's raking in unbelievable dough off the single). I was very saddened by the whole thing. Anyway, if you've got any examples of similar lyric anomalies, let me know, I'll be amused by them.

The linkz:

• Best. Headline. Ever.
• What in the heck is this? I am beyond confused.
• Now, THIS guy is really on the ball.
• I don't know many Canadians, and yet from the ones I'm closest to, this isn't even remotely surprising.
• And let's close things down with a quote from Bill Simmons's latest mailbag. This may be the funniest thing I've ever seen on the internet:

  I want to go to the top of a really tall building, take a leak, finish, zip up, and then have my pee hit the ground. I want my entire pee to be airborne. Man I love beer.

  What more needs said?

Some late Friday links, because I just don't have the energy left for extensive thought, and also 'cause there some shiznit y'all seriously need to see FOR REALS.

• This is simultaneously the grossest and awesomest thing I've ever seen. Jeff The Giant Orange Cat wreaks havoc! NOTE: if you are in any way squeamish and/or vegan, I would avoid clicking, as you may well puke on your keyboard.
• You may recall last week when I linked you to icanhascheezburger.com, the worlds most premieresty site for lolcats? I bring you: lolpresidents! (And for those of you who think this meme was old and busted 2 months ago, I say: suck it.)
• I can't remember if I linked to this last week and I'm way too lazy to check, so peep this: Passive-Aggressive Notes. I would do this kind of crap myself if I wasn't such a wuss.
• Are you a dork? Feeling like people are starting to think you might be turning cool, and want to blow them away with a project of such a dorky nature that they'll stop bothering you and leave you to your "Magic: The Gathering" solitaire? Download these, print them out, cut, a little glue, and nobody will ever think of you as anything but a primo losoir! These, on the other hand, are the coolest thing since Sweet Baby Jesus invented glaciers.
• This is totally normal. Lord knows, I feel the same way about this fellow and we haven't even MET yet.

o hai fren ha ha its link day lets all enjoy the links

• First off, link to my own stuff: Some photos I took at the Ychromes concert last Friday. Some are good; some are not so good. None are hilarious, but they're at least mostly pretty.
• For those of you that love yourselves some lolcat (and if you don't, you need to reevaluate your sense of humor, 'cause it is teh suxz), you need to visit I Can Has Cheezburger, the premier lolcat resource on the internets. My favorite: Snakecat has bited before!
• Your dad, your mom, and your cat. (I shouldn't joke; apparently the "woman" was mostly eaten by a tiger this week. Still...your mom.)
• AAAAAA! AAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
• Getting divorced? Let these folks help.
• Connected to the internets? Want to waste about 8 hours? Go here and browse through 70 years of newspaper photographs from the LA Times and LA Daily News. There's lots of hippie beatings!

Woo!

Lots o' little thangs:

• Some new photos over at CharlesHearn.com, check them out with great gusto.
• This Don Imus thing has gotten out of hand, for reals. At this point, listening to the racial opinions of a nearly 70-year-old white guy in a ridiculous hat makes about as much sense as listening to my great-grandfather expound upon the "Slavering Huns" (he was in The Great War, you see). Who cares? So an old man made a racist joke on the radio. There are worse things going on in our culture, trust me.
• Don't tell my wife, but I have secretly acquired a copy of "MBL 2007: The Show," on a recommendation from my buddy Kyle. I plan a full review next week, but here are a few thoughts:
  • I haven't even tried anything but "Road To The Show" mode, in which you start as a young player in the minor leagues and work your way up to the bigs and see if you can make the Hall of Fame, and which may be the most addictive thing I've used since I got out of the methadone clinic. Apparently there are a variety of ways in this game to play it like a regular video baseball game, but I don't have time for that because I'm living and dying with a 19 year old switch-hitting catcher who's batting .265 for the Ottawa Lynx, a triple-A Phillies affiliate. I'll give all the details of this mode in next week's review, but I'd just like to leave you with my most recent game's effort: 6/6, with 2 doubles, a home run, and 4 RBI, and would have gotten "Player of the Game" honors if the bullpen could have held an 8-3 lead.
  • I did play a game with Kyle over the weekend (before I bought my own copy) and I can report that the graphics are a little irksome; Chase Utley, for example, is so dark that Kyle and I referred to him by his full name, "Black Chase Utley," every time he came to bet or fielded a grounder.
  So far the game gets a 10/10 out of ten for gameplay and a 100/10 for "unintentional hilarity."
• Speaking of Kyle, he also lent me three books, which I may or may not also get around to reviewing:
  • Why My Wife Thinks I'm An Idiot, by Mike Greenberg. I never really listened to Mike and Mike on the radio, because sports radio is about as interesting to me as The World Beard Championships, so I didn't know much about Greeny going in. The book was good, and hilarious, but I couldn't shake the feeling that he seemed like a bit of a dick. And I can't explain why, exactly. He describes himself as a "metrosexual" and tends to go into great detail about the expensive clothes he wears; I also like expensive clothes, but every time he said something like "my Prada backpack," I kept envisioning an overtanned 19 year old brunette sitting in the college cafeteria showing off her new Uggs to her Long Island hookers friends.
  • Fantasyland, by Sam Walton, which details his season playing in the toughest fantasy baseball league in the country. I haven't finished it yet, but so far it's been equal parts interesting, revealing, and hilarious.
  • Moneyball, by whoever it is that wrote Moneyball who I don't feel like looking up. Okay fine, it's Michael Lewis, you guilted me into it. I haven't gotten to this one yet, so I'll just relate a couple of other people's blurbs:
    • Weekly Standard - May be the best book ever written on business.
    • Wall Street Journal - Another journalistic tour de force.
    • Hearnwife - Stop sitting on the toilet reading those $%#&ing books and come to bed.
• I may be setting a pointless record for "unordered list depth" for blog posts.
• And speaking of sports, just check this out; scroll down to the line for Robert Horry in the San Antonio box score.
• Everybody at Team Hearn is sick again. Charles is pretty good at bringing home germs; he, of course, is over them in all of a day, and we suffer for 2 weeks. I'm going to go to bed. Have a nice weekend, and avoid the clap.

Hi y'all...I was going to post something more substantive today, but I just don't have it in me. My world is shattered.

Link day, y'all! HECK YES!

• I got a new haircut yesterday, and trust me, I definitely considered this. It was simply fear of my violent wife's wrath that kept me looking my usual self.
• It's new! It's fast! It...is it frowning at me? That's an interesting marketing ploy.
• I admit: in an effort to understand this comic, I looked up the Ackermann Function as well as whatever g₆₄ is. I think the brain overload gave me cancer.
• This reminded me of my Recording professor at Peabody, Alan Kefauver, who had a reputation for making dumb freshmen believe that if you held a piece of recording tape to your ear and ran your thumbnail on it at just the right speed, you would hear the recording stored thereupon. He didn't try to pull it on me, which nice 'cause I'm an idiot and would probably have tried it, but now I can pretend I wouldn't have fallen for it.
• The beauty of socialised medicine! (Spelt all Britishly 'cause the story's all Britishy.)
• Speaking as a Fat American, this is hilarious.

That's all I got! So...bye!