I'm greatly irked on several levels:
1) I calculate that in order for everybody under 21 to be polishing off 25% of the total alcohol imbibed, they'd have to be drinking over 100 beers per month. All of 'em. Including toddlers. That's actually HIGHER than the amount of liquor I drink in a month. So I'm confused how my 6 year old cousin apparently should be able to outdrink a 250 pound hunk of hot manmeat. Even assuming they mean just kids from the ages of 12 and up, we're talking about a demographic that can guzzle almost a 12 pack every day. Must be nice. I can't drink 12 beers in one night without working the technicolor yawn.
2) The adults in this country are SERIOUSLY laying down on the job. C'mon, we can outdrink these fuckin' kids!
3) The reason why so many kids in this country are alcoholics is BECAUSE of arbitrary rules like the 21 year age limit. Jesus, people can sue me the day I turn 18, but I can't go into a bar and have a friggin' beer to while away my sorrows? What idiot thought that shit up? In Europe, most people can legally drink alcohol at the age of 10, and they can go into bars at 18. Many families share a bottle of wine at dinner. If you think college kids can't get beer, you're kidding yourself. I sure as hell did.
Fuck it, man. Legalize everything. Nothing wrong with pot, I'm telling you. "But smoking weed leads to other drugs," you say? The only people that really believe that are people that never smoked weed. The only thing Mary Jane ever led me to was Fritos.
Why doesn't Mexico have a decent Summer Olympics team?
All the Mexicans can can run or swim are in Texas.
So I was driving to work today, with the usual fucking slowass morons around me, and I changed lanes in front of some slow car, the driver of which apparently felt greatly wronged by my action. At the stop light he gets out of his car, so I lock my door just as the light turns green and drive off. So he punches the side of the truck. Definitely a stunning blow, I'll tell ya. Let's review:
He hurt his hand punching my truck.
He also held up traffic like an idiot while he ran back to his car as the light turned green.
He probably got yelled at by the girl in the passenger seat for being a macho moron.
Based on the quality of his clothing and car, I make a shitload more money than he does.
He lost valuable seconds on his drive to the welfare office because I got in front of him (although not as many as he lost while his car was stopped at a greenlight with nobody driving it).
I ask you: who was the big winner in this little confrontation?
This particular column is not as funny as it should be. That's why I added that rude racist joke up there in the middle. Lord knows I don't really feel that way about Mexicans. I love them. I think it's a crime one of them hasn't been elected President yet. My favorite hair style is the meximullet.