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Matt Hearn’s lifetime Brandywiners’ League Softball statistics: 3 for 4, 2 runs, 2 RBI, 2 errors. I’m like some kind of palsied Babe Ruth! Although not as fat! But probably nearly as drunk!

The game was part of the Brandywiners’ Family Picnic at Breck’s Mill on Saturday, which also involved volleyball, free booze, frisbee throwing, and other types of carousing and devil-may-care whimsy. (Although as we later found out, the Devil did care, and was very hurt he wasn’t invited.)

We stopped at Dead Presidents first for some hangover-reducing bloody marys, picked up some subs from Capriotti’s, and went over to the picnic, where it was immediately clear that my decision to wear a sleeveless muscle shirt was correct. I was hot. I mean, it was hot.

Anyway, we got to meet the families of many of the Brandywiners’ members; I should probably have gotten pictures of them, but I was busy playing frisbee with Jennifer’s son Charlie, followed by beer, followed by volleyball, followed by beer, followed by beer, followed by: softball.

Over the first three innings, I got three straight hits, with some masterful fielding, including a diving attempt at a fly foul ball that caused great consternation among the production staff ’cause they fear my death more than I do. (I did, however, fail to catch the ball.)

Then my illustrious costar takes over shallow right field for Rachel, and I promptly commit two errors and fly out to center in my remaining at-bat. Not that I’m suggesting that she’s responsible, or anything. Not at all.

The party really was a lot of fun, and it was particularly nice to meet everyone’s family. As an added bonus, I didn’t even embarrass myself too thoroughly! Probably because of the lack of hard alcohol, and a deeply-ingrained personal belief that getting schnockered in front of children is somehow wrong.

(I figure this is a nice instinct to have for when I’ve produced progeny of my own.)