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You’d have to be me

I’ve decided that my name should be a pejorative adjective. For example: Man, how clumsy do you have to be to cut your finger on a piece of fashion jewelry? You’d have to be Matt Hearn clumsy to do that.


(Indeed, I managed to cut my thumb on silver ring my wife bought me for our anniversary last year. You may be interested to know that the ring in question is not worn on my thumb. Nor is worn on the hand belonging to the thumb that was cut. Why yes, I do often have bruises and small cuts all over my body from walking into [walls|trees|fences|interior linebackers].)


Another good one: how dumb do you have to be to mow the lawn on a 90-degree afternoon? Man, you’d have to be Matt Hearn dumb. (Or perhaps Matt Hearn busy.)


It totally works.

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