matthearn.com

Random thoughts while working an all-night change outage:

• 0032 – I am the man who will fight for your honor. I am the hero you’ve been dreaming of. We’ll live together, knowing [something something] that we did it all for the glory of love.
• 0217 – While I’m on the lyrics tip, I have written a poem:

  ‘Twas the feast of St. Valentine
  And all through the world
  Many folks were getting nooky
  Every boy, every girl

  But Hearn is at work
  He’s typing and tapping
  He drinks too much caffeine
  And spends an hour crapping

  He’s moving some fibre,
  He’s drinking some Coke
  He’s catching some hell
  For the servers he broke

  He wants to be home
  In bed with his wife
  But that’s not the way
  Of an IT geek’s life

  But let us not weep,
  And whine, cry, or sob.
  I just mutter sometimes,
  “God, I hate this #&*$ing job.”

• 0227 – I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.
• 0335 – At 3:30 in the morning, I expect a little understanding if I get a little loopy. Ya know? I mean, if I spontaneously start singing, to the tune of “Good King Wenceslas,” “woot woot woot woot woot woot woot, woot woot woot woot woot woot!” I don’t think it’s too much to ask for my employees to just nod and smile. Is it really necessary to inject powerful anti-psychotic drugs into my stomach lining? What the hell, man?
• 0342 – The “Good King Wenceslas” song also works well when sung as “Badger badger badger badge, badger badger mushroom!”
• 0348 – Intake so far:
  • 4 units Wendy’s Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers
  • 2 units Biggie Fries
  • 1 unit Biggie Diet Coke
  • 1 unit 20z Diet Pepsi
  • 1 unit Twix

  Remaining food:

  • 3 units Wendy’s Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers
  • 1 box Girls Scouts Thin Mints
  • Anything I choose to buy from the snack machines, particularly the Honey Bun upon which I have my eye
• 0411 – Milo’s online! He’s had as little sleep as I! And has just driven 2 hours to DC and will be working until noon! This is the only explanation for our conversation so far:
  MiloBloom34 signed on at 4:11:05 AM.
  MattHearnCSC: The butt!
  MiloBloom34: Jewbie.
  MattHearnCSC: badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger
  MattHearnCSC: I bought a lawnmower today.
  MiloBloom34: mushroom mushroom
• 0508 – Conversation between me and coworker Mikey:
  Mike: [coughs]
  Me: [Pats Mike on back]
  Mike: Thanks.
  Me: Don’t croak.
  Mike: [short pause] Ribbit.
  [crickets chirping]
  Mike: Get it? Ribbit? You said “Don’t Croak.” Haha!
  Me: Got it. Not funny.
  Mike: Hey, whaddaya want at 5am? F#*$ you.
• 0615 – I can’t believe I’m still going. At this point I’ve been up for almost 22 hours, which is nowhere near Jared’s record of roughly 8 straight days, but pretty damn good for me. I’m frickin’ tired, Mr. Bigglesworth. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets tired, people die! Okay, that’s not true, he just lays down next to the air-conditioning vent with his belly in the air so he can cool his Schweddy Balls. Switcheroo, for 2! [Hearn does happy mambo dance around the conference room]
• 0621 – I think they’re releasing us. I’m not entirely sure because I’ve been hallucinating vividly for the last 30-40 minutes. Oh well. This shall be the last update to the diary! Time to sleep! Yay! Yay! Talk to you later….