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I have decided, unsurprisingly, that I really really really REALLY like hanging out with my son, babbling and tickling and drooling and all that. In a similar vein, I have also discovered that I really really REALLY don’t like showing up to an office every day, during which time I have to go for like 8 hours without seeing my son.

(This is something you sort of have to have kids to understand, but I can probably, in the space of this massive parenthetical aside, make an analogy for my pet-owning readers: imagine you have acquired a pet. A cat, dog, gerbil, whatever. Now imagine that your spouse attempted, for 13 1/2 hours, to squeeze this pet through an orifice on her body that is, normally, much smaller than the pet itself, and in the end they had to actually cut her open to get the pet out because the pet turned out to be ridiculously large. Imagine that this pet is completely unable to fend for itself, and you are required to tend to its every need, including feeding and elimination of poo. Then, imagine that this pet looks just like you. And lastly, imagine that every morning when you wake up, you go into your pet’s room, and he is so happy to see you that he grins from ear to ear and giggles. You can probably begin to grasp the nature of the awesomeness of this.)

So anyway, I think I need to figure out a way in which I don’t have to work anymore. My Plan A, inheriting the Viscountcy of Sidmouth, doesn’t seem to be working out, so I’m trying to figure out a Plan B. Possibilities include:

  • Inheriting from actual relatives – a possibility somewhat limited by the fact that I am descended from no one with any wealth to speak of.
  • Winning the lottery – In order to do this, I would actually have to play the lottery with some frequency, which is something I can’t bring myself to do.
  • Writing a book, or recording a Grammy-winning CD, or something – That still seems like an awful lot of work.

Any ideas? I’m willing to try anything at this point. In fact, if you are interested in having me do some difficult work (political assassinations, wedding planning, etc.) that only requires a day or so of work per week but pays exorbitantly, I would entertain any offer.

You should totally call me.

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