I hab a cod agin. Er, I have a cold again, I mean. I swear I just got over one like 2 weeks ago, but here it is again, squishing my brain like a flower in an unabridged dictionary.
This, and extreme business at work, is why this week is rather light on updates. But fear not! I’m stuffing Zicam up my nose like it’s butter. (Not that I actually stuff butter up my nose, as that would be delicious. I mean, uh, nasty.) It’s not doing much for me yet, but the irrepressible Jared (see picture below in which he is riding me like a retarded pony) says it’s the bomb. I really need this cold to be gone by Sunday, since I have a fairly massive concert to sing. Let’s go over this week’s topics:
- Janet’s Hooter: Whoop-de-friggin’-doo. If I can be permitted to quote Jeff Kay on the subject:
Why is this such a big deal? Seriously. It was a split-second flash of a woman’s breast, for god’s sake, not a live televised suicide.
- Super Bowl: Great game. The few interesting “behind the game” stories panned out in interesting ways, like the breaking of the “Win the Video Game Bowl, Win the Super Bowl” streak, and the whole “2004 Patriots are the 2002 Rams, and the 2004 Panthers are the 2002 Pats” thing. Adam Vinatieri missed two field goals (sure, one was blocked, but he kicked it awfully low for such a short distance), and made the game-winner, cementing his legacy as “mediocre kicker who you absolutely want kicking the clutch figgie.” Jake Delhomme showed he has what it takes to play at this level. And most importantly, Matt is a frigging moron for not putting money on the Panthers (who were +7 and only lost by 3) because Bill Simmons told him not to.
- Politics: Kerry’s lead is looking awfully insurmountable to me, which is a pity because he has the looks of a puckered up butthole, with none of the charm and charisma. The resemblance to Joseph Merrick is just uncanny. People keep quoting opinion polls showing that Bush is vulnerable, but I think it’s his election to lose. Vote Libertarian!
- My job: Can anybody tell me why AMTrix 4.4.1 can’t seem to communicate with MQSeries 5.3 on our development/assurance server? I’ve spent 3 days on it. No? Okay, let’s move on.
- I think Congress should introduce legislation making it legal to stab in the neck any man you see peeing (while standing up) in a regular toilet when a perfectly serviceable urinal is available. If they haven’t put the seat up, stab them in the back a few times first to make it more painful. If you have a great deal of surgical experience, you don’t even need to kill them, just sever their spinal cord in such a way that they’ll never stand up to pee again.
- Last week, HW was watching ER, and what do I see but Elizabeth Corday shacking up with some dude! It’s only been like 2 years since Dr. Greene died, right? And she’s already nailing the flavor of the month? (I have to say, she looked rather fetching in nothing but a sheet.) Is nobody else weirded out by this?
Distant relatives?
Okay, I think my work is done here. I’m going to go back to snorting lines of Zicam and eating hot pockets.
