You know what sucks? Pee Shivers. Because THEY CAN KILL.
I’m in the john a few minutes ago, draining the main vein, and I get a pee shiver. I dunno what causes it; perhaps it’s as simple as cold air on the wang, but whatever it is, it causes a full body shake and can result in pee spraying ALL over your hosts’ expensive towels. In this case, it caused my head to jerk backwards and to the left for no apparent reason.
I can’t say why for certain, but this caused something (a bone? a tendon? a small alien being controlling me via direct tap into my spine, a la Puppetmasters?) in the back of my head to go “pop” and snap directly against a major nerve near my brain. My knees almost buckled, it hurt so bad. The back of my head is still a-tinglin’.
This of course made me immediately think “oh my god I’m having a stroke and I’m going to die here lying on the floor of the freaking bathroom with my schlong hanging out of my pants and scaring the EMTs assuming they call them and don’t just send me straight to the morgue oh god please don’t let me die I haven’t even gotten to meet Joey Lawrence yet.”
Luckily, I survived, although there’s an ominous twitching in my left cheek and ear that makes me think I’m not out of the woods yet.
UPDATE: I just sneezed so hard I got a major rush like I had just done a Whip-It. Not that I, uh, would know what that feels like. Nevermind.
Oh gawd that was funny. Mainly ’cause I’ve been there. Many times. It’s weird though, it’s never happened when another person peeing (a peeer? a peeee?) was in the bathroom with me. So I’m always thankful that no one saw me shake like I just peed on a 200 A transformer, but I’m also scared that my body might twist so violently that I rip apart at the waist.
This is the funniest thing I have ever read. I guess it is because I can relate to this 100%. I would say almost 75% of the time I am taking a piss I have the infamous “pee shiver” and typically it sprays down the entire place. If I am at home I hunt down the toilet paper to mop it all up before I flush. If I am out in public, I look and say hell it is not that bad, this stall is maybe cleaner now that it has been hosed down.