So it looks like the Catholics have gotten themselves a new pope! Good times for all! I’m hoping he takes a totally righteous name when he signs up, ’cause Lord knows there are some bitchin’ Saints out there who need to have a pope named after them:
- Saint Birrstan – Pope Birrstan I just has a ring to it, doesn’t it?
- Saint Alexander Nevsky – Patron Saint of Going Buck Wild On Teutons With A Big Axe Or Sword
- Saint Winebald – I dunno what he’s a patron saint of, but I can only assume it involves Homer Simpson.
- Saint Sean John – Patron Saint of Da Bling aka Da Blizing
Not to mention all the righteous GIRL saints who probably won’t get no papal luv:
- Saint Isadore of Seville – Proposed Patron Saint of Internet Users (seriously)
- Saint Isadora of Duncan – Patron Saint of people who get their scarves caught in the spokes of a sportscar and snap their necks (somewhat less seriously)
No word on who the new pope actually is, but I’m hoping he’s Irish. I can’t imagine anything more awesome than having the pope roll up in Boston in a few years and getting hammered on Harp and then getting in a soccer hooligan brawl. Can you imagine? His little papal toque floating above the fray, him all casting death electric jaunpiece out of his fingertips like Emperor Palpatine, and then when his posse tries to escort him out, he pulls the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch from under his robes and tosses it among the fisticuffs, sending bleeding bodies flying through the air like it was Belfast 1983 or something.
Just awesome.
Sadly, it’ll probably be some Italian guy, and he’ll probably be Pope Clement XVI or some such crap, so my hopes of a Throwdown of Infallibility would come to naught. A man can dream, however.
Except that my dreams usually involve Eliza Dushku and a fraternity paddle. I think I need serious medical attention.
