It’s list day!
List of Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Matt Hearn (And Will Almost Certainly Wish He Hadn’t Put On The Web For All Of Creation to See)
- The other night, I dreamt I head-butted a nun by accident. Seriously.
- As I type this, I have a Bob Wills tune sung by Willie Nelson and Asleep At The Wheel running through my head.
- Sometimes, I get nasty rashes in deeply personal areas.
- When I type nonsensical UNIX commands, I often have to suppress a giggle. Example: earlier this week I typed touch rar, which does nothing but create an empty file named “rar” in whatever directory I happened to be sitting. For no apparent reason, I almost laughed out loud.
- I’m 75% certain that I’m going to die suddenly in some kind of accident or violent encounter. Why I believe this, I do not know, although it could be that I drive too fast and like to pick fights with midgets.
- In the 2000 elections, I voted a straight Libertarian ticket, except where there was no LP candidate available. For those positions I wrote in Coco Chanel.
- I exfoliate on non-shaving days with Apricot Scrub.
- I have a cat named JD. She is actually not named after Jack Daniel’s, but Jefferson Davis. (This tidbit of info greatly surprises folks that have been to bars with me.)
- Now I have “Milkshake” stuck in my head, thanks to Doug. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and their life is better than yours . . . and now you feel my pain.
- I typed a lengthy column about last Saturday’s football game, and Blogger failed to save it when I hit “Post.” I yelled many bad words at my laptop. (I’m going to the game this weekend too; I’ll write about that next week.)
- I enjoy pinching elbow skin. While this may sound kinky, it’s not sexual at all. I swear. Seriously.
- I own a mullet wig.
- This column sucks.
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