Note to all of my friends: no more scheduling of weddings during important football games.
This weekend we married off Mandy and Speech, aka Mandra and La Mouton Rouge. Unfortunately, while the ceremony was happening, UD was going through multiple overtimes of football against rival UMass. Next week, Jodi and Todd will be getting married during the UD-Villanova showdown to decide the Atlantic 10 championship. I may have a seizure during the service, something upon which the priest would most certainly frown.
Nevertheless, the wedding festivities this weekend were highly enjoyable, even though they entrusted Jared (aka Rod, aka Rance, aka Manwhore) with the rings. Jared is reasonably trustworthy, but saying that he is “often tardy” is sort of like saying that “Hitler was a poor role model.” Luckily he rode to the gig with me, so we were on time AND sexy as all hell. (Jared is one of the few people I know who may be prettier than I am; luckily, I have larger pectoral muscles, so all the ladies were up ons.)
I sang “One Hand, One Heart” at the service, which elicited some nice compliments, because I’m the shiznit. Mandy’s brothers handled the readings, and Rev. Connie Cohen gave an amusing speech on how to keep a marriage working (avoid getting caught banging hookers in Reno, let your wife handle all the money, only slap him around when he REALLY deserves it, that kind of thing), and a harpist played some nice tunes to keep us entertained. The only downside was the heat; apparently the thermostat in the place didn’t work, because once we lit all the candles and filled the room with people, it was like being stuck in an elephant’s ass in there. I’m glad the service was short, because my polyester tux was starting to melt into my shirt.
The service was held at the same place (called The Waterfall) as the reception, which simplified things nicely. (When Sarah and I were married, a number of folks trying to get to the reception nearly lost their lives because Andy Wang gave them a lift in his car. Who’d’ve thunk an Asian guy would be such a bad driver?) Several things about the reception were fun:
- Open Bar. Most weddings have these nowadays, or at least free beer and wine, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that free gin and tonics (I drank approximately 9) taste so much better than ones for which you pay.
- Dan Bouda’s Father. Dan was a member of the wedding party, and a highly amusing fellow to boot. He knew Speech from way-back-when up in North Jersey. Also, his father is technically insane. I don’t dance like that until at least the 7th gin-and-tonic, and Mr. Bouda was, from what I understand, stone sober. I believe he learned his moves by watching old Menudo videos.
- Jared’s Speech. It was a little long-winded, but it definitely managed to work in the fact that Speech used to have one hell of a mullet and liked to wear tight black jeans.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t get too drunk (as is my custom), because I had to be at work by 11pm Saturday night. To work all night. And then perform a change in the morning. Luckily, they decided they didn’t really need me and sent me home at 12:30am, which worked out nicely because I managed to get 6 hours sleep before I did a four hour job in the morning.
Jodi and Todd’s wedding, on the other hand, will not be interfered with by work, so I’ll probably be able to write a nice coherent column on Sunday morning about how I lost my wallet in a craps game and had to sleep in a pig trough.
