matthearn.com

In two posts (one, two), Bruce Buschel outlines the 100 things that restaurant staffers should never do, some of which are obvious:

1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting.

8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.

And some of which I’d never think of, but which are still crazy important:

12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.

13. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles.

I’d add a few more of my own:

101: Write down my order. I am not in the least bit impressed that you can remember the entire order of a table for four, and will not be adding a few dollars to the tip for it. I will, with absolute certainty, subtract a few dollars from your tip when I asked for a medium-rare steak and get it well-done, or if you forget to tell the cooks that my wife doesn’t like onions on her burger.

102: This is one for the restaurant owner: if your establishment is BYOB, don’t charge me money to open my bottle of wine. I can do it myself, with the corkscrew on my pocketknife. If you want to make money off of alcohol, then get a fricking liquor license, you skinflint.

(We had dinner at Butterfish, in West Chester, on Friday, and while the food was fantastic and the service superb, being taxed $3 a bottle infuriated me.)