This is it! I’m finally completing the process of puberty. Or at least I’m past the midway point. I now have to shave every day.
That may not seem like an accomplishment in and of itself, but when coupled with the fact that I now have a pretty nice collection of chest hairs (even if 70% are congregated around, for some reason, my right nipple), and recently I’ve had to spend a LOT more time yanking at nosehairs during meetings, I think I’m advancing towards manhood pretty quickly now.
This is great! I’ll be able to ask out all those hot high school girls that would never come near me before I developed the ability to grow 11pm shadow. And then, after I’m convicted of statutory rape (17 year old girls don’t keep quiet about that as much as they used to), I’ll be able to grow a really cool goatee in prison to go along with the “I be chuckie’s bitch” tattoo on my cheek.
Of course, I still can’t grow a moustachio; the hair there consists mostly of fine white hairs. I think one of my aunts has more upper lip growth. And my sideburns don’t actually connect my cheek whiskers to my hairline. I imagine these things will come in due course, and I should be able to grow a nice handlebar just in time for them to fit me for a coffin.
Queries? Problems? Your brain leaking from your nose? I don’t care. Ah, just kidding. Shoot an email to spam(at)matthearn(dot)com.
