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Archive for September, 2011

William Harold

September 25th, 2011 No comments

Belatedly, here are the promised images of our third Wunderkind, William Harold, who is extremely rad.

Categories: a beautiful thing, William Tags:

Various and sundry items

September 12th, 2011 No comments

I wrote about 600 words of a September 11th piece and realized I was “writing angry” and was going to come off as a huge jerk. In lieu of actually posting it, I’ll break it down: Lee Greenwood sucks, we’re worse off than we were 10 years ago, the Republican Party is destroying America from within, and the terrorists won.


Nobody wants to read that crap. So, spiked.


I spent September 11th at church, mostly. I’m now singing “full time” (in the sense of singing every Sunday, not working a 40-hour workweek in the choir stalls) at the church where my parents and sister sing/play. It offers a lot of cool music opportunities, so in the afternoon we sang a Requiem Mass by Sir Philip Ledger written specifically for the church a few years back. It was pretty moving, and was topped off by going to Brandywine Prime for a light supper, dragging Sarah along for a last “date” before she has another baby carved out of her on Friday. I ate too much and drank too much, all of which is to the good.


Sat in front of the TV for a bit last night to take in a little football, but discovered I couldn’t care less about the activities of the Jets and Cowboys, and also PBS was showing the New York Philharmonic playing Mahler’s 2nd Symphony, which is superduper pimp. I performed it once in college and would like to note that Mahler was a jerk: no rational musician makes the basses hit F#s and Gs, that is just redunkerous.


WHYY apparently had the rookies at the controls, though, because a few minutes into the last movement, the TV inexplicably cut to commercials (on a public TV station, no less). Eventually the music came back on, after we’d missed several minutes of high quality German romanticism. During that time, I may have accidentally tweeted that WHYY should suck it. I stand by my statement.


I hope everyone had a restful weekend, devoid of airplane tragedies and Lee Greenwood songs. I’ll come up with something more substantive later in the week, and were I you, I would expect to see pictures of a new offspring come Friday, if we come up with a name for him.

Categories: musings Tags:

Et tu, Amazon?

September 6th, 2011 1 comment

I’ll admit: I did not follow the directions to the letter. I have a number of tools powered by 2-cycle engines, and experience starting them in adverse conditions (rain, snow, etc.), so I assumed that my brand-ass new Husqvarna leafblower would operate similarly. So I took the can of fuel (a 50 to 1 gasoline and oil mixture that I refill approximately every 2 years) and poured it in. Yanked the starter, and she fired right up! I blew leaves around in great glee for 10 or 15 minutes, and then shut the blower down to bag the leaves up.


After having done so, I attempted to restart the blower, but no matter what combination of choke, throttle, and priming I tried, it wouldn’t fire. I consulted the manual and the internet, and discovered that the engine was picky about fuel. To be specific, it required exactly the right mixture of new gasoline (no older than a month), Husqvarna-specific 2-cycle oil, a stabilizer, and three unicorn tears, stirred exactly 47 times counter-clockwise with a phoenix feather. My first thought was, “Well, this is ridiculous. I’ll just send it back.” Which is where I discovered my mistake: I’d ordered the blower from Amazon.com, and they do not allow you to send things back that run on gasoline.


In their defense, I think one leaky tank of flammable petrol in the belly of a FedEx jet is one too many. So I understand. What I don’t understand is why no warning was made of this anywhere in the ordering process. Sure, if you check their rules, it mentions it, along with 18 other pages of legalese that no Amazon customer in the history of the internet has read. It’s like expecting me to know what’s in the iTunes EULA, or my mortgage contract (“Be it known forthwith after the previous payment hath been twice En-late-enated, the Mortgageer, henceforth known as the ‘Deadbeat,’ shall release unto the custody of the nearest Notary Public Two (3) Children between the ages of 1 and 7 until such time as the Bacon shall be seen to Float from East to West despite a strengthening Jet Stream…”). I would like to think that before ordering something that can’t be returned, Amazon might put up a splash page saying “Hey! You know you can’t return this, right? Just, you know, so you know.”


So I was left with a deluxe backpack leafblower with what I assume is a clogged carburetor and no way to return it. My only option was to drop it off at a local dealer a few miles away and hope that the repairs are covered under warranty. It’s been almost 10 days with no word, which worries me a bit. Hopefully they haven’t had to surrender it to the bank for late payment.

Categories: FirstWorldProblems, wtf Tags:

Dancing With The Chaz

September 1st, 2011 1 comment

I will admit that we are a “Dancing With The Stars” household, as well as a “So You Think You Can Dance” household. Sarah’s a dancer, so it’s sort of obvious that she enjoys them, but I like them as well, oddly. On the other hand, I can’t watch “American Idol” or “The Voice” for more than about 30 seconds before I get so angry that I fling things at the TV. I have figured out why all this is: I’m a musician, specifically a singer. So when other people “sing” on TV, I know they suck. I can hear that they sing slightly off-key, that they don’t know anything about phrasing or diction, even though the bulk of viewers cannot. When I watch dancing shows, I can’t really tell what sets apart a great dancer from one who is merely competent, I just know that a dude flung a chick through his legs and then leapt* backwards over her while peeling off the outer layer of his costume to reveal his extremely ripped physique, just as the girl catches him with her feet and maybe accidentally a little bit of boob falls out for a second.


None of that is relevant to what I’m about to say. The take-away: we like the dancing shows, we Hearns.


Anyway, there’s quite a hilarious uproar going on over at the DWTS (that’s Dancing With The Stars for you un-fans) Cast Announcement page. You see, Chaz Bono is participating in this year’s competition. Chaz is famous for two things: being Sonny and Cher’s son, and until a little over a year ago, being Sonny and Cher’s daughter. That’s right, DTWS is having a transgender competitor!


Now, those of us who are rational human beings think this is either a non-event, or possibly an indicator that maybe network TV is nearly entering the 21st century on the subject of LGBT issues. Those of us who are not rational human beings are predicting the end of the world and/or a general boycott of the show. Some of the better comments:


_cindyk52

1 hour ago

Irregardless of all that is said; with both sides hammering away at each other with their opinions; the bottom line is, for me, Chastity Bono has made her choice to flaunt her lifestyle out into the world, and now I make my choice to not watch DWTS. God says her choice is an abomination, and I will honor what the Creator of the universe has commanded. She needs to repent and get right with God.

“Irregardless!” Classic. This one’s tip-top too:
mamafranof4

7 hours ago

I have not missed a season of dancing with the stars, but this one I will not watch until Chasty is voted out, God created a women and God does not make mistakes,God is very loving to his people ,but is very clear about hating sin, and it is very clear in the Bible that if YOU lay down with the same sex you will burn in hell. So who do we pick God or Dancing with the stars( HUM LET ME THINK)

I think this is the best of the bunch:
zorinsecurity

1 hour ago

Well let’s get to the point.Chaz is a women.DNA says so.No matter how many bmw emblems you put on a honda doesn’t make it a bmw.Call the dmv. Ponder this.If there was a crime and they had chaz dna.what would they be looking for? wait for it….. WOMEN. She has a mental disorder.She thanks she is a man,lol Next week maybe she will thank she is a dog.

I’d like to remind you that “zorinsecurity,” whoever s/he is, is almost certainly eligible to vote. Not just in DWTS, but in actual American political elections. Just, you know, pointing that out.


The best part are the replies, mostly from open-minded folks, simply tearing these people apart. For example, here are some replies to zorinsecurity’s last post:


LIGHT2YOU

50 minutes ago

Actually…Not. Your ignorance is showing. Go read up on the subject.


Just.DFax

35 minutes ago

Transgender is not a mental illness, look it up. A lack of education and understanding leads to fear, which leads to hate. The cure is education. If you read up on the subject, the fear will go away and maybe you’ll cure yourself of the hate… and maybe even your English.


VermillionR

1 hour ago

Your spelling and grammar should make you think a little harder the next time you post something online…


I haven’t chimed in yet, because I try to avoid interacting with the catastrophically stupid, but y’all are welcome to. Have at it!


(Personally, I’ll be supporting Carson Kressley, that guy KILLS me.)



*I’m a little annoyed that Firefox doesn’t know the word “leapt.” Ain’t nobody down with archaicisms. (It also doesn’t know the word “archaicism,” possibly because it’s not a word.)

Categories: a beautiful thing, mad fun Tags: