matthearn.com

I, for one, fully support this type of exercise.

Yep, this choked me up. I’m such a softie. (h/t Andrew.)

Hey look, the Phillies are back in the World Series. Their opponent is not yet determined, but as the Yankees are up three games to one, I doubt it will be the Angels. So, for a brief moment, let us discuss the matchup between the Phils and the Yankees, position by position. Keep in mind I’m far too lazy to actually look up statistics, so a lot of this is just gut feeling, making it utterly useless for actually predicting anything, but hopefully it’ll spark some conversation.

• Starting pitching – The Phils have the best starting pitcher, Cliff Lee. It’s pretty routine to expect 7 innings, 2 runs, or better. Unfortunately, after Lee, the Phils have Cole Hamels, who is going through a disastrous year-long slump and can’t be counted on against a strong Yankees lineup, and then Blanton and Pedro, who are what they are, but happen to be right-handed and so may have some success against A-Rod and Jeter. The Yanks feature: CC Sabathia, a fine pitcher who doesn’t do well against the Phils, and who may be used on 3 days rest rather frequently; AJ Burnett, who is good, except for when he’s bad; and Andy Pettitte, who is 37 years old and doesn’t seem as effective when he’s not allowed to inject HGH into folds of skin on his abdomen. Slight edge Phillies.

Bullpen – An area of major concern for the Phils. Each pitcher is effective…sometimes, with the exception of Brad Lidge, still the closer, who I don’t trust in any situation where the Phils aren’t up by 5 or more. Ryan Madson pitches like he’s either trying to shave runs for a bookie who’s kidnapped his dog, or just wants to keep things “interesting” for the fans. You know what would be interesting, Ryan? Setting a record for “most strikeouts in a post-season.” Go for that. The Yankees have Mariano Rivera, and honestly I don’t know who else, but it doesn’t matter because if they get to the 8th inning with a lead, Rivera can get a 5-6 out save 99.9999999% of the time, despite being older than my first car (a 1972 Pontiac Grandville). Big edge Yankees.

Catcher – CHOOOOOCH! Carlos Ruiz keeps coming up big in the playoffs, and until he falters, I’m sticking with him. The Yankees do have legend Jorge Posada, who is 38 and a defensive liability, so expect the Phils to run a ton. They could also use Francisco Cervelli, who is younger and better, but I’d expect the Yankees to go with experience over actual skill. Edge Phillies.

First Base – A toughie. There’s no more a terrifying threat than Ryan Howard, but smart pitchers know how to get him out: breaking balls, and plenty of them. Mark Teixeira is slightly better hitter, and as a switch hitter is largely immune to matchup problems, but doesn’t have Howard’s brawn (though he did lead the AL in homers this year, with 39; it’s nice to see annual home run records return to earth a bit, isn’t it?). No pitcher wants to see either of these guys at the plate. Mark Teixeira is a better fielder, but Ryan Howard may have achieved Phillie immortality by telling his teammates “Just get me to the plate, boys” in the top of the 9th at Coors Field and then tied the game. Even.

Second Base – Chase Utley is the best all-around player in baseball, but is unfortunately having a weird postseason; not hitting well, and those two errant throws in the NLCS were concerning. Mitch Williams mentioned he thinks Chase is still bothered by the hip that was repaired last offseason. Still, Chase Utley only cares about things: puppies, and winning baseball games. Robinson Cano, on the other hand, is a fine player, with a little less experience, but who is uninjured and a lifetime average of .306. He’s a hidden tough out in the lineup, and also hit 25 home runs this year. Uninjured Cano vs. possibly-injured, and at the very least a little erratic, Utley? Eek. It pains me: Slight edge Yankees.

Shortstop – Jimmy Rollins is young, athletic, had a tough start to the season, but has been En Fuego in the playoffs. Derek Jeter has had a hell of a year, and is the best shortstop in Yankees history, but one doesn’t get titles like that by being young; he doesn’t have the defensive range he once did.Slight edge Phillies.

Third Base – Ouch. A-Rod vs. Pedro Feliz. Sorry, Pete Happy. Big edge Yankees.

Outfield – Ibanez has the power, Vic has the speed, and Jayson Werth just seems to be one of those guys who comes up huge in the playoffs. All three of them are pretty good with the glove, too. The Yanks have: Johnny Damon, an aging but reasonably good hitter who fields like he has polio; Nick Swisher, who is decent in the field and mediocre at the plate, but who has been having a strong post-season; and Melky Cabrera, another mediocre talent who once killed a puppy with his bare hands. Ha ha! Just kidding! Checking if you’re still awake. Edge Phillies.

Bench – The Phillies have speed and power on the bench, the latter in the form of Matt Stairs, who has a waistline like many of my uncles. Ben Francisco, who came from Cleveland with Cliff Lee, is a great defensive substitution for Ibanez (who isn’t really a bad fielder either), and isn’t an easy out at the plate either. Greg “Lou” Dobbs is, sadly, a corpse, and Miguel Cairo is 35 years old. The Yankees feature Hideki Matsui, who will of course DH when they play at Yankee Stadium, and also Jerry Hairston, Jr., who has a name like a Radio Shack manager. They also have Brett Gardner, Freddy Guzman, and whichever of the Molina brothers is still alive. Not a bad bench, but manager Joe Girardi has shown an alarming propensity for misusing it (more on this in a moment). Slight edge Phillies.

Manager. Okay, deep breath, because you’re not going to like this: I, alone among Phillies fans, still think that Charlie “Dear Leader” Manuel is…not…that…good. The man has the best lineup in baseball, and some fine starting pitching, so really his management doesn’t come into play until the late innings, when he occasionally makes great decisions, and occasionally some baffling ones. The other day he put in Greg Dobbs against a right-handed pitcher, which caused the Phillie phaithphul to panic because Greg Dobbs hasn’t had a big hit in over a year, but what happened was that Joe Torre pulled the righty for a lefty, and then Manuel put in Ben Francisco. Dobbs was merely a tool to get through a likely pitching change, really the best use of him. Well done, Cholly. On the other hand, in the only loss to the Dodgers, Manuel pulled a fire-breathing Pedro Martinez in favor of a bullpen that lost the game. His continued reliance on a clearly overmatched Brad Lidge is terrifying. On the other hand, earlier this week Joe Girardi ran out of position players in an American League Championship Game. And let’s face it, even if Charlie’s nothing more than lucky, it’s better to be lucky than good. Edge Phillies.

Home Field – Yankee Stadium is brand-new, very pretty, and might as well be a Little League field for the number of homers it gives up. Also, Yankees fans are like Laker fans: wealthy, and more interested in saying “I was there for a World Series game!” than actually rooting for the team. Citizens Bank Park is fairly new, very pretty, also gives up a lot of home runs, but will contain the best fans in baseball. Edge Phillies.

With the small parks, and the massive power in the lineups, this series will be decided by the home runs, and the ability of the bullpens to hold. The Phillies 3-6 hitters all have massive power, and better yet, 3 of them are left-handed, so they should be able to take advantage of the short right field at Yankee Stadium. It shouldn’t be hard to steal one or even two games there. Unfortunately, the Phillies also have a bullpen that I simply do not trust. The key will be getting a large early lead, hoping the starting pitchers get them to the 7th with that lead intact, and then pray the bullpen holds. I see the Phils stealing one of the first two in New York (the Cliff Lee start), going 2 of 3 at home, and then heading back to New York needing only one of two games. Whichever one of those Cliff Lee pitches (game 7, I assume), they will win. Prediction: Phillies in 7.

Of course, the Angels could win three straight, in which case forget everything I said.

A touching speech from a decorated World War II veteran on what he fought for:

Richard over at Honest Hypocrite tweeted this gem from Roger Ebert. Ebert had previously blogged on the rational reasons for universal health care, and used his platform to lay out the moral imperative for it, as well as respond to some commenters. A few good quotes:

Many of my readers opposed the Obama plan… here, in broad outline, are some of their most common statements, and my responses:

It is “socialized medicine.” Yes, it is. The entire society shares the cost. It does not replace private medicine. Just as in the UK and Canada, for example, we would remain free to choose our own insurance policies and private physicians. But it is the safety net for everyone… The word socialism, however, has lost its usefulness in this debate. It has been tainted, perhaps forever, by the malevolent Sen. Joseph McCarthy, who succeeded somehow in linking it with the godless Commies. America is the only nation in the free world in which “socialism” is generally thought of in negative terms.

A quick dig:

One reader said that the only things the Constitution guarantees us are “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” and Congress should enact no laws about anything else. Actually, it’s the Declaration of independence that mentions “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” but never mind. Some might believe universal health care would be of great assistance in enjoying life and the pursuit of happiness. It is a peculiarity that some of those happiest to cite the Constitution are the least interested in its Bill of Rights.

And the real zinger:

The nearest thing we have to a death panel in the United States is an insurance company claims adjuster.

Maine is the latest battleground for marriage equality, because of Question 1, a referendum to repeal a bill signed into law in May that legalized same-sex marriage. Recent polling seems to indicate that Mainers are on the side of equality. One Bangor newspaper editorial made what should be an obvious point:

It is hard to see how allowing more people to marry will weaken marriage. Instead, it seems the strong desire of gay and lesbian couples to be married, rather than declared domestic partners, shows the value and importance of marriage.

I found this picture of your mom, taken by Joshua Hoffine, an artist specializing in “horror photography,” aka pictures of your mom.

I should print one out and hang it in Charles’s room, right?

I now know far more than I really wanted to about my oil boiler. (Who am I kidding? That thing is fricking PIMP. It’s apparently the best boiler that money can buy, and it’s built like a brit shickhouse.)

After running it out of oil the other day and suffering through a night where the temperature in the house hovered at 56 degrees Fahrenheit, Burns and McBride came out this morning to fill it, but were flummoxed by the fact that there seemed to be two delivery connections. I pointed out that we have two tanks, and they pointed out that there’s only one vent, so it’s possible that only one of the connections works, and the other is vestigeal. They said they’d send out a Delivery Manager to take a look.

I met him at the house, and he turned out to be a nice gentleman, who confirmed that there are two delivery connections, one for each tank. He only filled one tank, because we discovered that the air vent seems to be partially clogged (something else I’ll have to get fixed), and he was afraid of building up too much pressure in the tanks. He said that the boiler might have difficulty starting up, because of air in the line, but showed me how to bleed that, and went on his merry way.

And of course I couldn’t get the damn boiler to fire. It’s heavily computerized, and has logic to prevent it from running if it realizes it’s only spraying air. So it’ll try for a bit, and if it doesn’t get any fuel, it turns off, and starts flashing a little green LED. There’s a button on the front to reset it and try again, so I figured I’d bleed out the air, then hit reset, and everything would be gravy.

I loosened the bleeder screw, which I expected to work like the one you find on automobile brake calipers; you have somebody press on the brake, you loosen the screw, and air and fluid comes pouring out. In this case, the oil only dripped, which I thought was strange. Anyway, I hit the reset button again, but nothing happened; the little green light kept flashing, and the motor on the front didn’t turn on. I tried switching off the power to the system, tried messing with the thermostat, but got nowhere. After 15 minutes of frantic googling, I discovered this handy online manual, which explained that to prevent fuel oil from filling up the burner, you can only reset the system three times before it goes into “restricted mode.” Getting it out of restricted mode just involves holding the button down for a long time. No problem. I figured if I could just get the motor to kick off a few times, it would eventually pump all the air out, and start getting good oil.

After resetting the system 9 times, I started to rethink my strategy.

I realized that the reason that brake fluid comes pouring out of the caliper when I bleed the brakes is that someone is pushing on the brake pedal, producing pressure in the system. The only pressure in the system was being provided by gravity, and it apparently wasn’t enough. It occurred to me: what if I reset the system while the bleeder valve is open? Every time I reset the system, it ran a motor that I assume must be some kind of fuel pump. Would this pump the air out? I loosened the bleed screw a turn, and hit the button.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOSH

Oil/Air foam came spraying out of the valve. This was a positive development. The motor eventually turned back off without firing the burner, but I figured it just needed another go. That didn’t work, but one more round of bleeding the air and one more reset led to:

WHOOOSHclickclickclickWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH

Amusingly, no matter how new it is, any oil-fired boiler is instantly “Old Girl.” The instant the boiler fired, I yelled “That’s it, Old Girl! Hell yes!” A few moments later, when “she” coughed and sputtered when another little air bubble hit the burner, I coaxed “No, no, Old Girl, stay with me STAY WITH ME!”

In the end: she was busily heating up the water for the radiators, and I smell like a damn refinery. I had to return to work afterwards; I’m surprised my coworkers didn’t insist on burning my clothes and hosing me off outside.

Just watch.

It is cold. It is mid-December cold, in mid-October. As much as I enjoy a nice cold, snowy winter, this is ridickerous.

Worse yet: we were led to believe that our new house had a full tank of oil, enough to last 2 or 3 months, as we have a double tank totalling about 550 gallons. That was incorrect by a factor of, say, 10000%, since we ran the heat for one night and are now out of oil. On the coldest night of the autumn so far.

How cold was it? When I got up this morning, the temperature in the house was 56 degrees. Survivable, but still insane. Burns and McBride are supposedly coming today to deliver oil; if they aren’t there by noon I plan to start making calls.

Just as a side comment: when people say things like “Global warming my ass! It’s 40 degrees in October!” are we just allowed to scream “STATISTICAL SIGNIFICANCE!!! LOOK IT UP, DOUCHENOZZLE!” at them until they cry? I say yes.