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Archive for September, 2008

Link day!

September 27th, 2008 1 comment

The debate was last night, I’m sure everybody watched at least part of it. I’m dramatically unqualified to judge the candidates on their political merits, particularly in the area of foreign policy and economics (aka the only two real issues in this election), so take this with a grain of salt. What I said on Twitter earlier (in shorter form) was this: Senator McCain looked tough, a real badass. The kind of guy that would likely get us involved in a bunch of wars, but also the kind of guy who would have the sack to finish the job.

On the other hand, Senator Obama looked Presidential. The kind of President who would bring some quiet reserve to the white house. The kind of President who, if Iran were to get ideas about nuking Israel, would simply stroll into the negotiations and say “You are going to back down,” and stare Achmekfdjaldfajfanad (as Sen. McCain refers to him) in the eye, and Iran would be all “Yeah, our bad on that. Sorry for the, uh, misunderstanding.” Because they know if they didn’t, he’d simply make their country into a wasteland.

Do with that information what you will. On to some lizinks:

  • Is it just me, or is the damage to Galveston from Hurricane Ike not receiving even one-millionth the coverage of Katrina? I mean, sure, there wasn’t a lot of dead people, but still. Are we just Hurricaned out? Anyway, here are some pictures of the devastation.
  • As a lover of ice cream as well as breasts, I’m not sure how I feel about this. Oh wait, yes I do, it’s fricking disgusting.
  • The folks over at icanhascheezburger.com have developed something almost as awesome: roflrazzi.com. Best one so far.
  • The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator tells me that if she was my mom, I’d be named Mole Valdez Palin. I have to say, that is way better than my current moniker. (Sorry, Mom.)
  • I’m describing my feelings about this news as “guardedly excited.”
  • Are you colorblind? I wouldn’t click here then. Hope you have a decent monitor. (Note: I got 100% because I am brilliant. If you get less, well, don’t feel bad.)
  • Heehee…if a black guy was tasked with introducing John McCain to a convention crowd.
  • Ever wanted to learn how to use a slide rule, without spending the dollaz to purchase one? I can make your dreams come true. If you don’t want to learn how to use a slide rule, well, then you aren’t cool.
  • Last but not least, I love this: Chill the F out. Probably safe for work, but if your kids can read don’t open it in front of them.

Rad times, y’all.

UPDATE:

  • Nevermind; Bad times, y’all.

    He was smiling… That’s right. You know, that, that Luke smile of his. He had it on his face right to the very end. Hell, if they didn’t know it ‘fore, they could tell right then that they weren’t a-gonna beat him. That old Luke smile. Oh, Luke. He was some boy. Cool Hand Luke. Hell, he’s a natural-born world-shaker. – Cool Hand Luke

Categories: link day Tags:

The Short Form

September 18th, 2008 No comments

Let’s bring the mood back up a tad, what say? My homey Sarah B sent me a nifty email quiz, and it’s been a while since I’ve done one. The theme of this one is that you only get one word to answer each question. This makes it hard to bring the funny, but I invite my readers (both of you) to comment with your guesses as to my meanings.

  1. Where is your cell phone? Hands
  2. Your significant other? HW
  3. Your hair? Lustrous
  4. Your mother? Responsible
  5. Your father? Quirky
  6. Your favorite thing? Bacon
  7. Your dream last night? Digits
  8. Your favorite drink? Beer
  9. Your dream/goal? Novel
  10. The room you’re in? Cubicle
  11. Your fear? Bankruptcy
  12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Retired
  13. Where were you last night? Rehearsal
  14. What you’re not? Slender
  15. Muffins? Blueberry
  16. One of your wish list items? Knife
  17. Where you grew up? Wilmington
  18. The last thing you did? Amazon
  19. What are you wearing? Casual
  20. Your TV? Small
  21. Your pet? Cats
  22. Your computer? MacBook
  23. Your life? Eventful
  24. Your mood? Apprehensive
  25. Missing someone? JD
  26. Your car? Elderly
  27. Something you’re not wearing? Thong
  28. Favorite Store? Target
  29. Your summer? Busy
  30. Your favorite color? Blue
  31. When is the last time you laughed? Meeting
  32. Last time you cried? Tuesday
  33. Who will/would re-post this? Brian
  34. FOUR PLACES I GO OVER AND OVER: Work, Home, Church, In-Laws’
  35. FOUR PEOPLE WHO E-MAIL ME: Brian, Liz, Dad, Sarah
  36. FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS: Cow, Chicken, Pig, Fish
  37. FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW: Home, Beach, Woods, Restaurant
  38. FOUR PEOPLE I THINK WILL RESPOND: Brian, Doob, Liz, Michael
  39. FOUR PEOPLE I HOPE RESPOND: McCain, Obama, Palin, Biden

For the last response, I suspended my use of proper titles to make it fit the rules. ‘Cause when you break the rules, THE RULES BREAK YOU.

Categories: tmi, wtf Tags:

Remembrances and Regrets

September 16th, 2008 No comments

This is JD. She was our cat; she died sometime within the last few hours. She was about 7.

She had been fighting acute kidney failure, and we had given her a big dose of fluids and medicine around 10pm before putting her to bed in our downstairs powder room. We got up at 2:30am to check her temperature and roll her on to her other side, but she was gone. She was still warm and flexible, so it hadn’t been long. She didn’t appear to have been in pain, which I guess is a blessing.

Now she’s in a box in the freezer, because if we left her where she was she’d start to smell before we could talk to the vet tomorrow and find out what we have to do now. While she’d been sick, she’d been so cold she’d been wrapped in layer after layer of blankets. Now she’s as cold as she’s ever gonna be.

I don’t think that’s a blessing.

I remember when she was little. We got her from a coworker of Sarah’s, whose cat had had a litter of little gray furballs. We had been told she was a boy, and she was so fluffy and, get this, modest, that we couldn’t tell otherwise. Whenever we tried to lift up her tail for a good look, she’d scoot away. We assumed she was the promised boy, and named her “JD,” which stood for Jefferson Davis. She had a grey coat. Get it? We weren’t able to confirm her gender until she was almost 6 months old.

I remember her first nap in her new house, when we lived in south Wilmington; curled up into a little compact ball (she was so small I could hold her in one hand, if I didn’t mind a good bit of wiggling and the occasional kitten bite on my thumb) on a corner of our big bed. Pete and Poly, our pre-existing cats, would occasionally slink into the room, put their paws on the bed and put their heads up like prairie dogs. After spying like this for a moment, they’d gently put a paw out to probe at the new creature, and I’d gently say “Pete” or “Poly” and they’d run from the room like I’d flung a shoe at them.

I remember a few months after that, finding a big bump on her ear that turned out to be the largest, most-engorged tick I’ve ever seen. Sarah wasn’t around for some reason, so I had to hold her down with one arm and pull on the ticket with a pair of pliers in the other, carefully so I wouldn’t leave any legs stuck in her. It was still wiggling when I put it on the counter and sliced it in half.

I remember a year later, when Veronicat AKA “The Cheat” showed up on our driveway and we eventually invited her into our home. JD’s response to this was about the same as Pete and Poly’s had been to her own arrival. She and The Cheat never did warm up to each other; in fact, to our dismay, JD became a hidey-cat, spending most of her time in our bedroom, usually only coming out for food and water.

She loved fresh water. We have an automatic dispenser that works a little like the water-cooler in a regular office; a big tub of water on the top, and it leaks out little by little into a little bowl. Any time we changed the water, she was first in line, mewing her little kitten-like meow. She loved dry food, too, to the point of being dangerously obese. After Pete had a “blockage problem,” we started putting out wet food to make sure everybody was suitably hydrated; JD wouldn’t go near it. All she wanted was her dry food, some clean cool water, and once or twice a day a good scratching around the ears and the base of her tail.

I regret letting her get so fat. With four cats, it’s nearly impossible to control the diet of any of them, since it’s so much easier to just leave dry food out at all times and give them a can of wet stuff twice a day. JD was a serious porker, which you can’t tell from the picture above (taken when she was just out of kitten-hood). She probably weighed 50-75% more than she should have. We thought it was cute that she couldn’t properly clean herself, that we had to brush her every few weeks to get the matted fur out of her hindquarters.

I regret not brushing her enough.

I regret cleaning the upstairs bathroom floor with a heavy dusting of Comet cleanser.

I regret not closing the bathroom doors when I went downstairs for a wet mop.

I regret not chasing her down to get the cleanser off her feet after she, being a curious cat, went in to see what was going on in her bathroom. I tried, mind you, but she went under the bed and then disappeared into the basement, and I was frustrated with her and the whole cleaning process and said to myself, “Fuck it. If she gets sick, I’ll take her to the vet and they’ll pump her stomach or something.”

I regret seeing her up and around the next day and thinking “Ah, she’s fine. Nothing to worry about. She probably just rubbed all the Comet off in the litter box.”

I regret not noticing whether or not she ate or drank anything over the next five days.

I regret, when we found her listless and depressed on Sunday, not immediately taking her to the emergency vet clinic, because it would have cost hundreds to thousands of dollars. We waited until Monday morning to save money.

I regret having to put her in a freezer to keep from stinking up my house.

Lastly, I regret every time over the last seven years that she gently headbutted my arm, wanting a few minutes of my time for a good scratching, and I shoved her to the foot of the bed and said “Not tonight, JD, go to sleep.”

If someone somewhere is reading this to you, JD, we’re sorry we didn’t do enough while you were alive, and especially while you were sick. We’re sorry your body is so cold right now. We miss you terribly, and we’ll never forget you. Wherever you are, I’m sure there’s clean water, fresh crunchy food, and enough hands to scratch whenever you want. And I hope then when my time comes, I’ll get to see you, and I hope you can forgive me and let me join in the scratching too.

We love you, JD. Rest in peace, sweetheart.

Categories: sad Tags:

Headlines and Titles

September 10th, 2008 1 comment

Is it just me, or is the presidential campaign, and the coverage thereof, somewhat weakened by the fact that nobody knows how to properly refer to the candidates and affiliated politicians?

Every time I read a headline saying “BUSH BLAH BLAH BLAH” or “PALIN BLAH BLAH BLAH,” I think to myself, you know, these people hold important offices. They may be douchebags, but the office itself merits our respect. Why are they not referred to as President Bush and Governor Palin whenever they’re mentioned? It may just be me, but I have a really hard time taking any pundit seriously when he refers to a United States Senator as simply “Biden.”

I’m guessing it’s just me.

Despite my success in the bike ride a few weeks ago, I’m still having difficulty with my staggering bulk; I hit 250 pounds again, and decided it was time to Rectify That Problem. So I’ve been eating nothing but meat and cheese (and the occasional glass of vodka while we were at the beach), and as a result have lost 6 pounds in about 4 weeks. I’m hoping to shed a good bit more by Thanksgiving, at which time I intend to gain it all back over a period of 8 days.

To that end, I’ve been making beer like Sam Adams’s fat drunk brother-in-law. I have a Guinness-like “Irish Stout” already in the keg and bottles, and am fermenting a batch of English Pale Ale. I have two more kits ready for b’ilin’, including a “Robust Porter” and an English Brown Ale. All in all, I’ll be appearing at our Thanksgiving vacation house with 4 cases + 4 kegs of homemade beer totalling approximately 18 gallons. My uncles are excited.

You may have noticed I put a twitter feed in the top left. Don’t be sadden’d; instead, embrace the technology. I actually plan to make some small effort to keep it updated. At least as well as I do this blog, since my updates this year have averaged a wavelength of what, three weeks? Holy crap, I’m lazy.