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The human body sucks. Well, mine does. Yours is awesome. All svelte and muscular, lithe and tanned. I hate you. Get out of my sight.

Let me start over: my body is weird. If I’m not dieting, my usual daily caloric intake rivals that of a Kodiak Bear. Seriously, it’s like 4000 calories a […]

Things have been insane this week, so I haven’t had time to comment on the fact that, um, I’m old now. So I’ll do that now. The big 3-0. Three Zero. MattHearnIsFreakingOld.com. Some of you who are already in your mid-30s are saying, “Old? OLD? Screw you, you youngling!” To which I respond: let me […]

In my never-ending quest to develop SOME kind of visual artistic skill (I draw about as well as my son, and he’s mostly interested in eating the crayons), I have taken some new photographs. Feel free to ridicule them. I’m particularly fond of this one:

Here comes a batch of the hottest links since St. Andrews Golf Course got buried under lava!!! (Note: St. Andrews Golf Course hasn’t been anywhere near lava since roughly 3,847,328,497 BCE.) Starting to wonder which presidential candidate is the one for you? Not certain how best to figure it out? Willing to make a choice […]

So: Heroes. HW and I are about halfway through the DVDs of season one, usually knocking out 2 or 3 episodes a night while cleaning, or working on our lappies, or whatnot. So far, here are my thoughts: I am on the freaking edge of my seat. Seriously, it’s all we can do to get […]

In my never-ending quest to be exactly 4 years behind my peers, technologically, I finally got an iPod. For a long time I maintained that any music player was as good as another, and in fact convinced my wife a few years ago to buy me a little 256MB player that held 70 or 80 […]

I don’t know when the hell I got so old, but somewhere between the ages of 18 and almost-30 I lost the ability to play a game of football without being crippled for days. I played some beach tackle football with my old Ychrome buddies yesterday, and as a result I can barely walk today. […]