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Archive for August, 2006

August 28th, 2006 No comments

Worry not, I’m here. Team Hearn took a lengthy vacation to Texas to meet the relatives, all of which are awesome. I will have full details at a later date when I not swamped LIKE WHOA, so to tide you over in the meantime I highly recommend that you slide on over to CharlesHearn.com for all your baby photo needs.

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August 9th, 2006 1 comment

They’ve moved me and the rest of my team to new digs, which so far has been totally sweet. The new office (which is actually an old office, but they got rid of a bunch of people (there’s a big mound out back that I assume contains the bodies) and so we were moved so they could consolidate and possibly get rid of the lease on my old building) is closer to my house and doesn’t require me to cross I-95 to get here. It’s farther from the data center, but I only have to go to NDC about once every couple weeks.

It goes without saying that I’ll have to go twice this week. Oh well.

This building is a vast improvement over the last one; for example, it has an actual cafeteria, instead of an eating area with some snack machines. Even better, the bathroom on the main floor has showers in it, and lockers, so as of today I’m riding my bike to work, as long as it’s not icy, which isn’t usually a problem in August. It’s a little under 5 miles, so it takes me about 20 minutes, which with traffic is about as long as it would take me to drive. And now I can burn roughly 500 extra calories a day, which is a pound of fat a week! If I can keep myself from compensating by eating entire freezers-full of ice cream, I should be Totally RippedTM by Christmas.

And while we’re on the exercise subject, my sister, Liz, and I have decided we are going to run a 5K in October. So that I might get a jump on training (and also because all my bike shorts were in the wash at the time), I went out Monday afternoon for a good jog. I was able to go a lot further than I had predicted; I ran for a solid 18 minutes (for me, about a mile and a half; I’m fat and slow) before the agonizing chest pains caused me to slow to a walk. In all, I calculate I went about 2.9 miles in 34:30, which definitely wouldn’t qualify me for the Boston Marathon. Hopefully in the near future I’ll be able to spend more time running and possibly cut a few minutes off that time; I’d like to do a complete 5K in under 30 minutes. Wishful thinking, perhaps. If wishes were horses, beggars would probably eat the horses.

You gotta have a dream. (Hopefully you all don’t have any of my dream, with the homeless people eating livestock in a visceral manner. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.)

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August 4th, 2006 7 comments

Worth noting:

  • The News Journal was kind enough to finally print a review of My Fair Lady. Good job, what with us having just 2 shows left, one of which is sold out! Nothing like timeliness. On the other hand, they did say I have operatic flair. Unfortunately, they made no mention of my sweet booty.
  • The heat has broken, apparently! It’s only supposed to hit 90 today, as opposed to the near-three-digit temperatures we’ve been rocking all week long. Woooooo.
  • Happy birthday to my pops, who is 347 years old.
  • I was afforded little sleep last night, as I got home from the show at 1:30, and my wife awoke me to attend to Charles at 5. So forgive me for what I’m about to say: Mel Gibson is responsible for all the wars in the world. Good night, sugar tits.
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August 2nd, 2006 5 comments

All right all you Jack Samsonites put on your face eyes and listen with your hair ears because I have a QUESTION and I know at least one of my readers has an IQ above 40 and MIGHT be able to answer it so HERE. IT. GOES.

Well, actually, there’s some background first.

I’m trying to get into good shape. I tire of the low-carb diet because

  1. I like carbs, and
  2. If you go off the low-carb diet for a day, you’re totally screwed and basically have to start over.

So boo to that. Right now I’m just trying not to overdo my daily caloric intake, and ALSO I’m biking between 50 and 100 miles a week. My reasonably conservative calculations would indicate that I burn about 45 calories for each mile that I bike, so hopefully my total caloric output is lower than my intake and I’m burning off my ass in small amounts every day.

This would be diesel.

My digital scale at home seems to indicate I weigh about 235, which is fine, although at the doctor’s this morning (I went for an allergy checkup: I have allergies, they are fine) they weighed me, in my heavy clothes, at 234. So who knows. I might want to invest in a scale that wasn’t made in an 8th world country. So I have some ways to go.

In addition to my bike-riding, I’d like to do some kind of calisthenic workout every day that would help with flexibility and strength without bulking me up. It might be out of reach, really, but I wouldn’t mind being mad ripped without getting large; I’m already massive and scary enough without being massively muscular, so I’m not much interested in lifting weights. Also: weightlifting hurts, and I hate it. I’ve done a little poking around online, and the only thing that I really found that approximates an actual “program” is this thing by Matt Furey, who by most accounts is a con artist.

My question that I pose is this: if I were to develop a calisthenic program for flexibility and basic strength, what exercises should it include? I’m assuming I’ll need the basics, like pushups, crunches, maybe some chair dips, lunges, etc. I’d prefer not to duplicate efforts, and I’d prefer not to use weights (so I’d rather do, say, pullups, than bicep curls with dumbbells). TELL ME, PEOPLE, WHAT YOU THINK.

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