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Bless you, Emily V. It had been too long since I’d received a chain mail quiz doodad that I could respond to online and mock with my words. Here we go:

1. What is your full name? Matt “The Grinding Apparatus” Hearn

2. What color pants are you wearing? Khaki, with a few […]

I’ve hemmed and hawed on this before, I’m sure, but I can’t help but notice that, despite my best efforts, spelling and grammar in America have gotten even WORSE. I was on the internet this morning (I know, it’s very out of character for me) and surfed over to the website of a major company […]

Before:

After:

MY GOD. I AM SO PRETTY.

Holy crap! Something happened yesterday afternoon that NEVER. EVER. HAPPENS. A woman walking by me as I took my daily constitutional asked me directions, and I actually knew where to tell her to go!

Normally, the only time people ask me directions is when I’m visiting a town that is completely foreign to me. […]

I have an exclamation to make, and it’s very controversial, particularly among my liberal friends, but I think it really needs to said, and said loud and clear:

Yay for rich people.

Yay, I say. And here’s why: if it weren’t for rich people, there would be no designer clothing stores. And if […]

I’m considering turning Wednesday into a true “blog day,” as in, I grab a bunch of humorous links that catch my fancy and comment on them punks. So here’s where it’s at, hosses:

Germans know a good hairstyle when they see it, dude. Seriously. The man tries to keep good games off the shelves. Amusing […]

Pictures from Mel and Craig’s Wedding are up! Be warned: I got into a very strange mood during the rehearsal dinner and kept taking close up pictures of people.

Extremely, extremely close up. It’s way gross in some cases. Which is, of course, why it simply HAD to be posted online! Check it out! […]

Random thoughts while considering if Bugles are of the grain or vegetable food groups:

Has anything ever been more effectively covered up than the actual album title of “Let’s Get It Started,” by the Black Eyed Peas? Nobody I know seems to be aware of it. I feel like Deep Throat just for bringing it […]

“You! Bring that penis here, or put it back where you found it!”