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I hope everybody had a superb Christmas, particularly since I didn’t bother to wish you one in my last column, because I’m a self-centered butthole! Merry Christmas, anyway, and a happy New Year. Today’s topics: why too much religion makes me hurt; why Christmas r0x0rs; and a few potential New Year’s resolutions.

Being a […]

We moved this weekend.

Those of you who know me well are probably thinking, “What, you moved off the couch to get another beer?” To which I reply, HAR! HARDY HAR HAR! Jerks.

No, HW and I and many of my semi-retarded friends gathered up most of my belongings and moved them from […]

You know you’ve had one hell of a good weekend when, within 24 hours, you get harrassed by a bobcat, and charge the field at a football game.

Perhaps a bit of background is in order. Jared and I, being insane, decided it might be fun to go camping. In December. On a night […]

It’s list day!

List of Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Matt Hearn (And Will Almost Certainly Wish He Hadn’t Put On The Web For All Of Creation to See)

The other night, I dreamt I head-butted a nun by accident. Seriously. As I type this, I have a Bob Wills tune sung by […]

I love Thanksgiving. Of course, who doesn’t? The only people I know who don’t enjoy Thanksgiving are Canadians, and I think we can all agree they’re a bunch of godless heathen.

This year our Thanksgiving extravaganza involved driving down to the Outer Banks (the beaches of North Carolina) for a week of eating, drinking, […]