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August 28th, 2007 No comments

Sorry for the complete lapse in postings, but things have been cuh-razy up ins. I spent most of last week in Philadelphia, and then we all had to take turns fighting off the cold that Charles gave us. (It manifested itself, in his case, as pinkeye, which was REALLY EXTRA FUN TIMES! We didn’t get the eye problem, but I’m still fighting the chest congestion and stuffy head.)

In order to placate the masses however, I have something FAAAAR better than my bizarre ravings: pictures of Charles and his cronies! Enjoy.

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April 13th, 2007 1 comment

Lots o’ little thangs:

  • Some new photos over at CharlesHearn.com, check them out with great gusto.
  • This Don Imus thing has gotten out of hand, for reals. At this point, listening to the racial opinions of a nearly 70-year-old white guy in a ridiculous hat makes about as much sense as listening to my great-grandfather expound upon the “Slavering Huns” (he was in The Great War, you see). Who cares? So an old man made a racist joke on the radio. There are worse things going on in our culture, trust me.
  • Don’t tell my wife, but I have secretly acquired a copy of “MBL 2007: The Show,” on a recommendation from my buddy Kyle. I plan a full review next week, but here are a few thoughts:
    • I haven’t even tried anything but “Road To The Show” mode, in which you start as a young player in the minor leagues and work your way up to the bigs and see if you can make the Hall of Fame, and which may be the most addictive thing I’ve used since I got out of the methadone clinic. Apparently there are a variety of ways in this game to play it like a regular video baseball game, but I don’t have time for that because I’m living and dying with a 19 year old switch-hitting catcher who’s batting .265 for the Ottawa Lynx, a triple-A Phillies affiliate. I’ll give all the details of this mode in next week’s review, but I’d just like to leave you with my most recent game’s effort: 6/6, with 2 doubles, a home run, and 4 RBI, and would have gotten “Player of the Game” honors if the bullpen could have held an 8-3 lead.
    • I did play a game with Kyle over the weekend (before I bought my own copy) and I can report that the graphics are a little irksome; Chase Utley, for example, is so dark that Kyle and I referred to him by his full name, “Black Chase Utley,” every time he came to bet or fielded a grounder.

    So far the game gets a 10/10 out of ten for gameplay and a 100/10 for “unintentional hilarity.”

  • Speaking of Kyle, he also lent me three books, which I may or may not also get around to reviewing:
    • Why My Wife Thinks I’m An Idiot, by Mike Greenberg. I never really listened to Mike and Mike on the radio, because sports radio is about as interesting to me as The World Beard Championships, so I didn’t know much about Greeny going in. The book was good, and hilarious, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he seemed like a bit of a dick. And I can’t explain why, exactly. He describes himself as a “metrosexual” and tends to go into great detail about the expensive clothes he wears; I also like expensive clothes, but every time he said something like “my Prada backpack,” I kept envisioning an overtanned 19 year old brunette sitting in the college cafeteria showing off her new Uggs to her Long Island hookers friends.
    • Fantasyland, by Sam Walton, which details his season playing in the toughest fantasy baseball league in the country. I haven’t finished it yet, but so far it’s been equal parts interesting, revealing, and hilarious.
    • Moneyball, by whoever it is that wrote Moneyball who I don’t feel like looking up. Okay fine, it’s Michael Lewis, you guilted me into it. I haven’t gotten to this one yet, so I’ll just relate a couple of other people’s blurbs:
      • Weekly Standard – May be the best book ever written on business.
      • Wall Street Journal – Another journalistic tour de force.
      • Hearnwife – Stop sitting on the toilet reading those $%#&ing books and come to bed.
  • I may be setting a pointless record for “unordered list depth” for blog posts.
  • And speaking of sports, just check this out; scroll down to the line for Robert Horry in the San Antonio box score.
  • Everybody at Team Hearn is sick again. Charles is pretty good at bringing home germs; he, of course, is over them in all of a day, and we suffer for 2 weeks. I’m going to go to bed. Have a nice weekend, and avoid the clap.
Categories: charles, link day, sporty spice Tags:

April 9th, 2007 2 comments

I’ll tell you, having kids produces some highs and lows. And I haven’t even gotten to the point where Charles is reporting amusing anecdotes about other people’s thighs, or reminding us that it’s time to eat by repeatedly pointing at his wristwatch and gaping mouth. So far the greatest thing Charles does is grin like an idiot at pretty much everything, which is pretty entertaining, and sometimes during diaper changes he grabs his own junk and giggles, which is HILARIOUS, though often painful to watch.

His cousin Nathaniel is slightly more advanced in hilarity. Yesterday we were all at my aunt’s house in Lancaster, enjoying a spot of dessert, so Nathaniel decided it would be fun to steal everybody’s fork and all of their food. Later, he pulled his pants down and stumbled around. (I’ll try and get the pictures up later this week.)

Charles and Nathaniel also had lengthy conversations with my aunt’s sheep, although Nathaniel was a bit scared by them. Charles was mostly trying to figure out if there was any way he could eat one. (“How can I eat that” is his main train of thought; it applies also to neckties, fingers, furniture, chunks of drywall, cats, and paint.)

The lows consist mostly of when you go to put your son to bed at 8pm and he feels kinda warm, so you take his temperature and realize it’s 101.6. Not high enough to call 911, but high enough to make HW and me scramble for all our baby manuals and find out exactly what to do, which was “check it again later and see if it’s gone up.” Since he was asleep, we figured we’d check it in the morning, or earlier if he woke up.

Which he did. At 3am. With great displeasure. Sarah went in to try and calm him down; she changed him and gave him a bottle, but to no avail. She tried a little tylenol, which seemed to make him a bit happier, but didn’t make him tired. Around 3:30 I took over. We played on the floor for a bit, tried the bottle again, tried reading “The Little Engine That Could.” He rolled onto his belly, pulled his feet in, wedged his head into the corner, and seemed to be drifting off, until about 3 seconds before I was about to stand up and sneak out, he sat back up and said “Woowoowoo bleh DAH” and then sobbed a little. We played some more, and finally about 4 I said okay that’s enough, laid him down, and went back to bed. He alternated screaming and loud whimpering for about a half hour until Sarah went back in to get him.

She brought him into our bed, and together we calmed him down enough so that we all went to sleep around 5, until 8:30 when he woke up and grabbed my hair and giggled.

You may notice that this particular post is sort of rambling and makes no sense. This is because my son kept me awake from 3 to 5. Which you would KNOW if you would READ MORE CLOSELY. So there.

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April 5th, 2007 1 comment

I could write some stuff here, but nobody wants to read that crap when they could be looking at pictures of the cutest 10-month-old-who-looks-like-a-2-year-old in the history of the universe, right? Right.

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February 9th, 2007 No comments

Okay, so uh, what’s in the news? Apparently that girl Anna Nicole Smith died, but I joked about that yesterday. (Was it too soon? The response I got from the interwebs was cold, to say the least.) There’s some banshee crazy astronaut ho that drove from Texas to Florida in DIAPERS to kidnap and likely kill her romantic rival. Apparently she wore diapers so she wouldn’t have to make unnecessary stops, but here’s the thing:

Distance she drove: about 950 miles.

Distance most cars can go before they need to stop for refueling: 350 miles.

So she had to stop AT least twice to get gas; would it be that out of the question to maybe take 5 minutes to whiz while the gas is pumping? Here’s the lesson I have learned: women are crazy.

What else? The weather has been making up for lost time; it hasn’t been above freezing, as far as I can tell, in like 6 days. I can’t say I’m sad about it, since I enjoy me some cold weather, but I’d like to have a good dose of 8″ of snow to go along with it and make it impossible for me to drive to work. They say we’re supposed to get snow on Tuesday, we’ll see how it goes.

I’m low-carbing it again, but it doesn’t appear to be working as well this time, probably because I’m screwing it up. It’s not my fault! People keep making me pies! I need to get on my bike some more and see if that helps force the old belly into “ketosis,” which apparently is what they call it when your body starts burning your fat for energy. I fully support the burning of fat; I am, at last check, roughly 85% fat myself. Maybe self-immolation is the answer…I’ll look into it.

Speaking of death-wishes, Charles has been crawling for a few weeks now, and has developed quite an interest in flinging himself down the steps into the foyer. So far I’ve caught him before he does so, but we need gates; a friend of ours is going to lend us some, but I’ve yet to go pick them up, so I guess I’d better do that. You know, before my son lands nose-first on cold, unforgiving ceramic tile.

As you can probably tell, I really don’t have anything of any interest to share with you, so I’ll just point you to Vinegar Man-Douche and let you have your own fun.

December 6th, 2006 No comments

Took Charles to the doctor this morning for a checkup. I always enjoy those, when I have occasion to go, as it’s fun to find out what records he may be breaking as far as weight and height. As of this morning he weighs 21 pounds, 13 ounces, which is very large, and is 30.75 inches long, which is just ridiculous. That’s the height of a 14-month-old. He also, for a brief moment, held his own bottle while sucking on it.

Unfortunately, the great mirth was broken up by the fact that he had to get shots. The nurses came in (they work in teams, one on each leg, to make things go quickly, since he needed four shots today) and started getting set up while I distracted him. Then they started wiping his legs with alcohol, and he got a look on his face that seemed to say, “Hey, wait a minute…deja vu.” Then I held his arms so he wouldn’t flail around and impale a finger in a needle, and I swear he realized what was about to happen, and looked up at me as if to say, “Et tu, jerk?”

The nurses jabbed away, which took all of 15 seconds, during which he screamed, and then once he’d been suitably band-aided up, I picked him up to console him, and he looked at the nurses and giggled. What a faker. I think he was more angry I held his arms down so he couldn’t lift his head up and watch the needles go in.

The doctor’s name (our usual guy was caught in traffic because some idiot clipped a school bus and flipped his Explorer on 95), incidentally, was Hearn. Charles seemed to be fond of her, but then, he’s a lady’s man. Daddy is jealous.

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November 6th, 2006 No comments

Carmen is done! Finally! Not that I didn’t enjoy it, as I did, greatly, but holy Christmas Q. Patterson am I tired. I don’t know how professional touring folks do it. Of course, they don’t work 8 hour days dealing with customers and the like.

So I’m back to the regular grind, which means of course we’re freaking out because we’re baptizing Charles (well, the priest is, we’re mainly just there for the free holy water) on Sunday, having people over after that, plus a birthday party for half of Christendom as well, on Friday evening. So the house has to be respectable, which means I have to clean up some areas, like the kitchen and the downstairs living room.

Cleaning the kitchen requires me to put everything way, which means I need to finish and mount the shelves I’m building so that I have space for all my crap. Cleaning the living room requires the carpet to be cleansed, so we’ve got a crew coming tomorrow to handle that, and they’ll move the furniture, but they won’t move any little crap, so we’ve got to basically empty the room of stuff. We have a lot of stuff.

I know you’re getting exhausted just reading it. I’m exhausted just TYPING it. Plus tomorrow I have to fit in some time to get my hair cut, a piano lesson, and I need some ME time dammit or else I’m just gonna cry like a little girl.

Charles has started an amusing new trick in which he wants to grab everything within reach and put it in his mouth. This includes toys, flatware, furniture, power tools, animals, basically anything that makes the mistake of getting where he can grab it. Particularly fingers. Did I mention he has developed a tooth? Ow. The little booger is ravenous for my blood, I think. I’ve taken to calling him Audrey II. Totally freaks out my relatives.

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