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Safety rants

January 7th, 2010 5 comments

Someday, I’d like someone to explain to me why it is that Americans think they have a right to never be scared by anything. Over the last few weeks, Gilbert Arenas has been waving guns around, and a guy tried to blow up an airplane with his crotch, and suddenly everyone’s losing their minds.


Arenas will probably do serious jail time, and may never play in the NBA again, despite the fact that nobody actually got shot. A couple of schmucks waved guns around, and because they’re black, the white establishment thinks “Boyz n the Hood” and drops the guillotine. To put things in perspective: Gilbert Arenas may end up in jail longer, for a victimless crime, than Michael Vick was for murdering dogs. (My feelings on Vick’s rehabilitation can be found here.) He may get an suspension from the NBA that’s longer than Ron Artest got for charging into the stands and beating up the wrong fan. I’m not saying that Agent Zero shouldn’t get disciplined; at the very least, he’s demonstrated that he can’t be trusted with firearms. So take them away, suspend him for a while, fine him, whatever. But let’s not take away his freedom and livelihood for merely frightening David Stern.


Along the same lines, in response to one idiot lighting his dick on fire, the TSA is enacting restrictions that make flying about as enjoyable as prison rape, and don’t do a damn thing about making flying any safer, and just makes folks drive long distances instead of flying them. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good road trip, but you’re more likely to die by driving from Chicago to New York than by flying. (Folks like to throw statistics around that say that, in 2006 for example, only 655 people died in airplane accidents and 45,316 died in car crashes, but that ignores the fact that the average American drives, what, a hundred times as many hours as he flies? So for each hour, I’d say the odds of dying in a plane crash are about the same as in a car crash. It’s certainly not the 2 orders of magnitude difference that flying enthusiasts say. The problem is that driving a given distance takes roughly 10 times as long as flying it, so for a given trip, it is an order of magnitude difference.) The problem is that news reports about brown bearded men trying to blow up planes scares people, and driving around in a 3 ton SUV makes them feel in control. So thanks, TSA, for killing Americans. You’re doing a bang-up job.


Dear America: you need to make a decision about whether you want to feel safe, or be safe. Locking someone up for a victimless crime (be it drug use, or “being stupid with a gun”) does not make you safer; every time you put someone in jail, he becomes far more likely to be a violent criminal than he was when he went in. So congratulations: you turned someone from “moron” to “mugger.” Just take his guns away, put him on probation, help him stop being an idiot. TSA: the odds of me blowing up the plane with my iPhone are remarkably low. How about we just agree that I can use it anytime I want, and I’ll promise to not pack C4 into my scrotum? Awesome. Citizens: sometimes scary stuff happens. How about you stop being such wusses?

Categories: anger Tags:

Behavior

August 19th, 2009 No comments

So I’m lifting in the gym earlier, doing my leg press so that I don’t look like this poor fellow, and another fellow comes in. He’s wearing regular street clothes, so I’m thinking he’s one of the “light workout” types, comes in for a few reps on the nautilus at low resistance, and then leaves. But no.


He strips his polo off, revealing the beater underneath, and drapes the polo on one of the weight benches, adjusting it to angle. Fine so far. He then leaves it like that and lays down on ANOTHER bench to do some pretty serious benchpressing. Huh? Was he just…reserving the first bench for something? After the bench pressing, he takes the shirt off the first bench and drapes it over the bench press bar, and then gets a paper towel and puts it on the first bench. He also retrieves two 35-pound dumbbells and sits them next to the bench. Having reserved his various pieces of exercise equipment for his personal use, he goes over to the nautilus and starts using one of those machines as well. What the hell?


What kind of self-centered prick do you have to be to reserve equipment you aren’t using, so that it’s free when you’re ready for it? If I’d known we could do that, I would have just pissed on everything to mark it ahead of time. What a dick.


Man, I’m in a mood today. I should stop doing steroids, probably.

Categories: anger, wtf Tags:

Badness

August 19th, 2009 No comments

No racism or anti-semitism at the town halls, huh? Sigh. Have they no shame? Don’t these folks understand that they are bad people for doing these things?

Categories: anger, wtf Tags:

Boo

August 13th, 2009 No comments

Ever wonder what it’s like to be a Cleveland Indians fan? Nurse The Hate can tell you. (Note: naughty words.)

Once again the white flag of surrender proudly flies over Progressive Field, and the team has sent all the core players packing, unable to pay them what the market will pay in upcoming seasons. It’s hard to believe really. Six months ago the organization was talking playoffs. Now two of the top three in the pitching rotation are gone. Plus, the set up guy, and four of the starting position players have been dumped for minor league players 2 years or more away from possibly playing at the Big League level…


The question I have as a ticket buyer is why do I have to keep shelling out for this bulls***? The answer is, of course, I don’t. And neither does anyone else, as the Indians attendance has slipped to 27th out of 28 teams. I am stuck with 5 more games in my season ticket package at $50 a game to watch minor league players audition for next year’s team. Not to worry though, as a customer I am very excited to hear from the head of the Indians organization that once every ten years they might be able to compete. Where do I sign up for my 2010 tickets! Whoo!


There are, of course, 30 major league baseball teams, but other than that it’s spot on.

Categories: anger, beisboru Tags:

Screamin’

August 3rd, 2009 2 comments

Richard over at Honest Hypocrite is pissed, and with pretty good reason:

About the time when we seem to be getting Linus calmed, a manager (the unfriendly one) comes over and tells us in the most officious manner possible that some of the other patrons have been threatening to leave because of our crying baby, and some parents take their children outside to calm them, and isn’t teething tough.

Wow. I can honestly say, I’ve taken Charles and/or Josephine to any number of restaurants, and I’ve never had anything like that happen. Richard has asked for responses and advice, but before I do that, I have qualifications and caveats:

  1. When I think my own kids are disturbing someone else’s meal, it drives me insane. Ruins dinner for me, even if the other patrons don’t say anything.

  2. Conversely, I’ve never been bothered by someone’s baby, other than my own, crying at dinner. I’m routinely pissed about other people’s kids’ behavior, but that happens all the time, not just at restaurants. Babies cry; that’s how they roll. Maybe Linus is particularly loud, but I doubt it.

  3. I have two kids, and I know their moods and behavior pretty well; if I think, based on factors like previous behavior, time of day, nap status, food status, etc., that the one or other of the kids is going to be a pill, we won’t go. This isn’t to say I haven’t guessed wrong, and I’m certainly not making any assumptions about Richard and his wife’s ability to gauge Linus’s behavior, I’m just saying that by and large I’ll do just about anything to avoid the above situation, so perhaps that’s why it hasn’t happened to me.

  4. I’m pretty selective about where I’ll take my kids. Red Robin? Sure. Walter’s Steakhouse? No. Friendly’s? Of course. The Corner Bistro? Maybe for brunch, but never for dinner. I see kids taken to these places and it feels awkward to me, even if they are well-behaved. Now, I know nothing about Bensi’s. I’ve never heard of it. It might be the kind of place where I’d look at it and think “Of course, kids, no problem.” Since Richard mentioned there were other families with kids there, I’m inclined to think it’s a bit more of a family restaurant, and perhaps the complaining diners were just douche-knuckles.


Okay, enough caveats and explanation. Here’s my take: given that Linus was merely crying, and not running rampant through the restaurant, and there were enough other children there to qualify Bensi’s as supposedly-kid-friendly, I’d say the customers who complained were out-of-line. I’d also say the manager who complained was waaaaaay out-of-line. If something like this had happened to Sarah and me and the kids, here’s what the responses would have been:


Me: “Really? Are you kidding me?”


Sarah: “F%&# you, @?#hole.” ::rips off manager’s face and makes it into a drippy chapeau::


And then we’d pack up and leave without paying. We’d also probably jury rig some silverware so we could hang a stinky diaper above the table candle.

Lou

July 8th, 2009 No comments

Keith Olbermann is disgusted, and for good reason, frankly.

…[I]n the Bronx 70 years ago today, Lou Gehrig composed himself in such a manner, with a strength that eclipsed even what he showed on the ballfields of the ’20s and ’30s, that he could give one final measure of himself with such honesty, with such courage, with such a simple and direct connection to the human condition, that it is quoted, somewhere, every day.


But first, let’s take you out to San Diego where Manny Ramirez is just back from a 50-game suspension. For cheating. For cutting corners. For breaking rules. For lying. For deception…


Ramirez, of course, homered today in his first at bat. And some people cheered. As if he were just back from an injury, or a death in the family. As if he were a hero. As if he were an honest man. As if he were somehow worthy of sharing the meaningfulness of this day with Lou Gehrig.


Credit to Fox’s Tim McCarver – who has never gotten enough of it for this one quality he has shown, often at such great risk to his own security and even employment – for his honesty in pointing out the inappropriateness of the reaction to Ramirez’s return. He is not making a comeback. He is out on parole and it will be years – if ever – before many of us will believe he did not do something illegal, improper, or immoral, this morning.


As the increasingly unreadable Instapundit would say, read the whole thing. You can also read this response, but the author’s mostly just being a snarky dick. You could also read Keith’s reply to the response, but why bother?

Categories: anger, beisboru Tags:

Plumber’s cleavage

July 7th, 2009 No comments

Dear Moen company in specific, and plumbing enterprises in general:


You know what would be nice? If you could be consistent with your connections. Or, barring that, you could clearly label your stuff so that poor schlubs like me don’t discover, as I did last night, that the expensive new kitchen faucet I bought doesn’t fricking fit.


Our kitchen faucet has been falling apart for months; it, like the one replacing it, has a built-in sprayer, a function I like very much, but something funny popped loose such that only the spray mode works now. It’s fine for washing dishes, but kinda sucky for, say, filling a water bottle. So, I decided to replace it. Went to , bought the aforementioned faucet, brought it home.


I lucked out in that we have a split sink, and the faucet sits right on the divider of the basin, so it was reachable from underneath, which meant I didn’t have to go and buy a basin wrench. After much cursing and dripping of hot water into my left eye, I managed to get the old faucet off, and tossed it aside with much élan.


I unpacked the new one, and discovered that the instructions are entirely in picture form, which I guess is great if you can’t read, but doesn’t do much to answer basic questions, such as for example why the faucet had 1/2″ threaded male connectors, when the old one had 3/8″ threaded female.


The new one doesn’t fit. It’s not just a matter of being the wrong size; as I posted on Facebook, both the faucet and the supply connections are male, and neither is willing to go gay for the other and make the whole thing work. (As one wag pointed out, I have to find a couple of lesbians to get in the middle of them, although in my limited experience, the only time two lesbians get in the middle of two men is when they’re breaking up an argument at a softball game.)


Lowe’s supposedly has flexible connectors to solve the problem, but


  1. They vary widely in price, from $4 apiece to $30. No idea what I’m going to have to buy.

  2. Most of the pictures on the Lowe’s website don’t match the product. Does this look like a 3/8″ C x 1/2″ FIP x 20″ stainless steel faucet connector to you?

    Don’t the ends look like…the same size? And does it appear to be 20″ long?


Since I can’t take the supply connections out of the wall to screw them into a connector and see, I’ve brought the old faucet to just sort of hold next to it and compare, and the new one to actually screw on and verify. If it doesn’t work, I’m going to assault someone, since I’ve already thrown parts of the old faucet in the garbage, and I have no idea where the receipt is for the $180 faucet I purchased.


So if you hear about a Lowe’s in northern Delaware burning to the ground, um…I actually will have had nothing to do with that.

Categories: anger, dear diary Tags:

Can I kill them?

July 2nd, 2009 No comments

Someone should be murdered for this, right? Right?

Britta Bacon & Hayden Porter are childhood friends turned business partners. While Hayden was completely obsessed with high heels, Britta wasn’t even sure if she owned a pair. On her way to her daughter Kayla’s 4th birthday party, Britta was reminiscing about when Kayla was a baby and Hayden’s shoe obsession crossed her mind. She thought to herself “That would have been hilarious if I could have brought Kayla to a party in high heels when she was a baby”. It was at that moment that ·heelarious® was born.

Yeah, I guess you’d have to be named either “Britta” or “Hayden” to have come up with something as fricking stupid as this.

Categories: anger, wtf Tags:

Pod Sounds

June 5th, 2009 No comments

One of the problems with podcasting (something I am VERY in favor of, in general) is that since it’s usually produced by amateurs with inexpensive equipment, the sound quality is frequently bad. It’s not something you notice a lot of the time because they’re talking, not making music, but if you are trying to listen in circumstances where fidelity is otherwise affected, you’ll pick up on it.


For example, I enjoy listening to podcasts when I mow the lawn. It makes the time fairly fly by, I really enjoy it. The podcast I’m most likely to listen to is “The BS Report,” by the inimitable Bill Simmons; he produces 2-4 of them a week, averaging 45 minutes, and since it takes me about 45 minutes to mow my lawn, it’s ideal. The problem is, I’m walking behind what is essentially an unmuffled internal combustion engine. It’s loud. Even with headphones on, I often have to turn the volume on the podcast all the way up. It’s probably not good for my ears, but I justify it by saying my eardrums have already stiffened to protect themselves from the noise of the lawnmower. (Didn’t know they did that, did you? They do. When faced with a barrage of noise, your ears will adjust to prevent damage. It’s why someone surprising you by yelling in your ear hurts, but someone yelling in your ear to be heard over top of a Justin Timberlake concert is fine.)


The problem comes in the fact that whoever is in charge of mixing Bill’s podcasts down sets the EQ such that sibilants, specifically S, are insanely loud. This is not something that’s difficult to fix, even if Bill is using a headset to record instead of, say, a quality microphone with a pop filter. Just pull down a specific frequency, and boom. Done.


Another of my favorite podcasts, “On The DL with Dan Levy,” suffers from a bizarre growl problem. Dan always sounds a bit like a chainsaw. The worst, however, is “Real Time with Bill Maher,” a podcast made from the regular HBO show. There, the problems aren’t EQ, but levels: Bill is always audible, but frequently his guests are not, and invariably the ambient mics they set up to get audience reactions are ear-blowing loud. Not just when I’ve the volume cranked to hear over my lawnmower, but also when I’m in my car, aka the most common place that people listen to podcasts. This is just laziness, really.


Excuses abound: Bill Maher’s techs are undoubtedly setting the fidelity for TV broadcast, not podcasting; the others are limited by the settings they use to try and get the size of the podcast under 10MB, the limit imposed by Apple and AT&T for downloading items over the 3G network.


Bull.


First of all, most of these podcasts aren’t under 10MB. Simmons has actually split some longer podcasts in two, supposedly to get under the limit, and they’re still 15MB chunks that I can’t enjoy until I go somewhere that has a wifi connection for my phone to access. The Bill Maher podcasts are routinely 15MB.


Second: somehow, Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow‘s podcasts of their live MSNBC shows (each about 45 minutes long) somehow manage to get quality EQ and proper levelling of mics for hosts and guests, achieve a decent audio fidelity (no scratchiness), get the filesizes at around 9.8MB, and have them online by the morning after (unlike Bill Maher’s show, which is on 4 days later at the earliest, and often goes weeks without posting anything and then throws 3 or 4 shows up at once).


Sure, Maddow and Olbermann have quality recording equipment and professional engineers on staff to handle it, but I guarantee Maher does as well. And as a further counterpoint, James Lileks’s “Diner” podcasts always had fantastic sound, with what I assume to be a “prosumer”-level setup run by the journalist himself. (Lileks’s biggest problem at the moment is that, if he’s still doing diners [he may have stopped when he got busy being the all-media journalist for the Star-Tribune], they aren’t available on iTunes, and haven’t been for years.)


C’mon, guys, put a little effort into your podcasts. None of them need to be longer than 45 minutes, the perfect size to get a nicely adjusted recording under 10MB. Get on it.

Categories: anger, techno Tags:

Cussin’

June 5th, 2009 No comments

Sigh.

A man who used a four-letter word to describe to his neighbors how their cat left feces in his yard was acquitted Tuesday of a disorderly conduct citation.

“A little piece of America died today when a jury of six says it’s OK to curse in front of a 13-year-old when asked not to,” Rainey said.

Really?
“It’s a sad day for morality, that this type of behavior is condoned,” Rainey said.

“We work hard to teach our children morals and teach them right from wrong.”

A little cursing is hurting the fabric of America? Given this fellows tenuous grasp of “morals,” one wonders what his opinion would be of Americans who order the torture of prisoners.

Categories: anger, wtf Tags: