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Gotta get down on Friday

Facebook is infuriating. You’d think it wouldn’t be that big a challenge to set things up so that when I publish a new post, it posts to my feed, but nay nay, it requires creating an “app”, going through a ton of privacy policy BS, and applying for some sort of approval to post to […]

Discuss ALL the things!

Let’s blast through a number of interesting topics on this Freaky Friday: I’m always amazed at people who think that stuff happens to them in some kind of vacuum. Folks who associate with douchebags, and then are surprised when those douchebags treat them like crap. Folks who have 4 kids with 3 different partners and […]

The search continues…

It’s been a few months since the last time we looked at the search engine queries that lead people to matthearn.com, but let me tell you: I continue to apparently be America’s main source of information about Dwyane Wade. Some of the searches that led folks here:

dwyane wade muscle 30 (searches) dwyane wade muscles […]

Dream analysis, yet again

Had us a nice little vacation last week. Went down to Ocean View with the folks, ate like pigs, swam in the indoor pool in the clubhouse, chased the kids around the yard, drank entirely too much. After 3 days of this my body simply rebelled. I felt like six asses all last week. (Punctuation […]

Through The Night

This will have to be quick ’cause you know how time be all CRAY CRAY. So, two things: the first, a fitness update, and the second, the greatest music video produced since Journey’s “Separate Ways“.

I spent about 6 weeks eating very few carbs and a great many hunks of meat and cheese, a diet […]


It’s been a loooooooong-A time since I’ve made fun of the…unique, let’s say, searches that people put into their googlers that lead them to this site, so let’s make the MAGIC happen! (The numbers at the end of each line are the number of searches made with that string, that led people all up ins […]


I don’t know what the hell is wrong with people. Okay, I get it, there’s no iPhone 5 this October. I guess if you’re a complete idiot who knows nothing more about technology than “5 is a bigger number than 4,” this is a serious disappointment. But let’s go over a few important facts: iPhone […]

Et tu, Amazon?

I’ll admit: I did not follow the directions to the letter. I have a number of tools powered by 2-cycle engines, and experience starting them in adverse conditions (rain, snow, etc.), so I assumed that my brand-ass new Husqvarna leafblower would operate similarly. So I took the can of fuel (a 50 to 1 gasoline […]


Holy crap! I don’t sound like complete ass! Here is mp3 evidence: The People That Walked In Darkness Right?

I’ll make love to…this beer

Oh yes. This happened.

You’re right, I have had professional vocal training!